Results for the week 05/08/2013

Results - 06/08/2013

1. Do you always wear matching underwear?

Yes 8.3%
No 54.9%
I'm a guy, so it doesnt count 36.8%


2. What's your favourite season?

Spring 19.8%
Summer 30.1%
Autumn 33.8%
Winter 16.3%


3. Mac or PC

Mac 28.6%
PC 71.4%


4. Have you ever decided to walk around London instead of taking the tube?

Yes 74.9%
No 18.6%
I've never been to London 6.6%


5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Dead! If I don't get my finger out of my arse!

Still in this window wondering what to write.

39, no further forward in my employment. Stuck in the same rut I'm already in with my relationship.........

With et.

Fuck knows. Probably in another pit of despair after wasting too much time in another piss poor excuse for a relationship. Still, there's bourbon, so that's OK.

Under a very sexy man!

Either a very happy mummy or profoundly depressed and childless.

Probably the same as where I am now single mum on benefits coz the government don't think it is worth funding proper training for me to get a decent job with enough hours to pay for my bills and so i can still bring my daughter up without having to shove her in a fulltime nursery. fyi i didn't have a baby for someone else i.e. a fulltime nursery to bring up and spend more waking hours with than I do. Ive also never had a 9-5 job as I have worked in retail, bars and catering so unless the nurseries are going to open on weekends and at night or without good training in office/call centre roles I am going to struggle to get back to work in the future. rant over

Hopefully alive if this cancer hasn't got me :-(

Hopefully in bed asleep.

In the mirror, probably.

Hopefully out of this mess that I've worked myself into. Working in a decently paid job that I enjoy, married to my girlfriend (hopefully). Maybe a child or perhaps just a pet.

Dead, hopefully. Can't stand much more of my shitty pointless life.

Hopefully still alive, still sober, and still with Judith.

Same job, same town but that's all ok. I'm settled for the longterm but hopefully I'll be living under the same roof as my love who currently lives too far away. We're getting there though :-)

This is too depressing to answer.

This is a poor question, sorry.

Married to my boyfriend with our own business and a beautiful house.

With the woman who isn't my wife.

I split up with my last girlfriend because if this exact question

Doing your mom

Same as now. But with a bigger porn stash.

Either highly successful or in jail. And fat.

Older. Hopefully wiser. Most definitely happier. 

Fitter, healthier, financially secure. Perhaps with a bit on the side. That would be nice.

Rimming Caitlin Moran.

I honestly haven't a clue any more.

Here. Re the PC vs Mac question. When my PC fucks out I'm not replacing it with a PC. Might get a Commodore Vic 20.

Canada but realistically still here in the same town that I've lived for most of my 52 years

Canada

Self employed.

Drinking Buckfast and directing traffic.

Retired, hopefully. Clutching a full glass of wine.

with a glorious moustache.

Poor and destitute...

I don't think my life will have changed at all, except perhaps for the worse. I'll be in the same job with bad physical and mental health, I will be single and childless and all my friends will have moved on, as they should do. The future looks far from bright now.

No idea, babes.

If everything goes to plan, I'll be a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

Want to be a published writer. Truth is, I don't even know what I'll be doing in a year. My life is in a bit of turmoil at the moment and I can't see the way out.

Debt free and living a nice little flat. Alone but happy.

Dead hopefully, but in all probability I'll still be bumbling around from one disaster to another with no direction

Rich or dead.

Hopefully with a career that makes me happy, a nice flat and cute pets.

Dead or sober.

Here, but BETTER. Or dead

In Nicola Roberts

In a mirror, like all people.

On Jeremy Kyle.

Given the current state of my marriage, and the financial demands of putting my kids through university, in 5 years' time I will probably be living in a bedsit on my own struggling to pay my bills and meet my obligations. I'll be in the same job with no prospect of promotion, I'll be alone and unhappy, and wasting too much time on Twitter or its future equivalent. God, how depressing.

Dead.

Same as ever. Skint and alone and oh so lonely and sad and desperate. Or not.

With a 5 year old daughter, hopefully still working, hopefully still acting, being happy.

Stuck in the same rut I'm in now!

I don't. A little more settled. A little more travelled. A little less scared. A few months ago that was entirely different.

Finally taken by the sweet sweet sweet release of death......or dying inside in Her Majesty's Civil Service....

Owning our own home, having a rescue dog, being a fantastic nurse/mother/wife with the perfect work/life balance

With a completely different life to the one I have now. Happy, maybe

I heard telephones, opera house, favourite melodies I saw boys, toys electric irons and T.V.'s (something like that)

Still being a complete legend somewhere.

Older

finally a fully qualified midwife

Basically where I am now

Cornwall hopefully

Stuck in the same old shithole of a job with little to no prospect of getting out of it, probably living alone with a pet tortoise or something.

Happy. PLEASE happy.

If I can get through the death years then I will be happy enough. I've never been able to answer that question from a work perspective so I have no hope from a home perspective.

Probably no different from now except I'll have 20 yr old son and a 13 yr old daughter ... Christ, frightening.

At this precise moment? Asleep in bed as it's a work day

Pretty much where I am now, but that's not a bad thing. It wd be nice if I was able to move to the UK by then, but it won't happen without a large influx of money to pay off my mortgage

I'll be 42, therefore I'll have discovered the meaning of life. So I'll probably be frustratingly trying to explain it to people who will be too busy plugged into their social media neuro-implants to notice or care. Meanwhile, hoards of genetically modified call-centre clones will be fighting to be given the same rights as ordinary in-utero-bred humans, which by then will be no rights at all. Grand Overlord Zuckerberg will, of course, find it all hilarious, as he sits on his throne of human skulls, drinking the tears of the damned.

With all the cats in a nunnery

exactly where i am now

Better off and happy

I would like to say happily married. I'll still be an independent woman, doing my best and maybe going to several pub quizzes.

Living abroad finally with my man after what will have been 8 yrs of living in different countries. Infact I'll probably be doing time for murder after having discovered that I dont like people touching my things and being in my space.

Hopefully doing what I do but for more money. That's a long shot.

Licking @fliesopen's face.

Exactly where I am now, more's the pity!

In the grave, if I'm lucky. Or in prison. Life's crap.

Dunno where I'll be in 5 days, let alone 5 fucking years.

Successful, happy, with the boy, solvent, an Ivor Novello.

two books published and engaged/married

Hopefully as a parent :-)

Hopefully with a life other than the one I have now, living out of boxes and bags at my mum's house.

Single, unhappy, in a dead-end job, probably back on my anti-depressants that don't work. Pretty much where I am now. I can't see things improving at all.

Hopefully just finishing my FY1 year on the way to becoming a qualified doctor. Also to still be in a fantastic relationship with the love of my life

In a far away galaxy, maaaaan.

scarey thought

Dead

Happy. With a guy I can look after and who looks after me. Any offers? Realistically I know that is never going to happen, so I'll still be here, being me. I'll also be five years older. Now that is scary.

I thought I might have had an idea but then the apples spilt out of the cart. Now I don't know.

Pretty much where I am now. Which is a joyous thought...

Hopefully happier than I am now

Dead

Still listening to beck1sm whine on about losing weight.

Hopefully with another kid, doing a job that inspires me.

New job in a new city and very much happier hopefully

Right now, I have no idea. Cross-road time.

Can't do long-term planning since being very ill. Sword of Damocles etc.

oh fuck.

Hopefully sitting on the face of a man with a large nose.

Hopefully live in a different house or do lots of work to the shit one I live in.

Hopefully in a little house in my dream location in Scotland, with a certain messy and gorgeous man, a dog, our dream business, living the life we've talked about so often. Let's just say I'm working on it, harder than I've ever worked on anything.

Single, I'm currently married, doing a job I enjoy & writing more.

I see myself still married, hopefully with our first child (or at least one on the way).

Still wading through the pro mac answers from question 3.

Consultant (or nearly) anaesthetist, one small child, maybe another en route... The first (being a consultant) is pretty much certain, especially if the kids don't happen. The kids are rather more uncertain.

I try not to think about it

Committing suicide

Fit

Settled down. Married, babies. But first I need a man!

Married (hopefully) perhaps living somewhere new and would hope to have a baby but not sure this is possible..really I just want to be happy because at the moment Im not and have no one I can talk to about it.

Hopefully as a mum to a 4 year old, with my business having become successful, worked out the problems in my marriage and just generally a bit happier than I am now.

Don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife.

Same place

Cured of depression, I hope. 

In my own home, still working, still happily married, trying to survive having a teenager....thanks for making me feel old...

Married to @csbradders with a little bambino, happy and still in love with each other. Hopefully somewhere near to be a qualified radiographer. Enjoying weekends with both the girls and having fun

It's 6.33 so hopefully still in bed. Otherwise living in a nicer place with a dog and a land rover.

Still here, probably married.

On holiday I hope

Same job, same role, different desk. Carrying more body fat.

I'll be 50. 50!!! How did that happen? I see myself spending all my money on dirty sex with a gigalo. Not a juggalo- clowns are weird.

Waiting to do the daily survey

No idea whatsoever.

In the depths of a drink and drug fuelled global midlife crisis, or unemployed, or dead.

Don't know

Dad to a four year old

Spending my lottery winnings

Probably unemployed if the Tories have their way. So, eating from bins, drinking meths and having a relaxed approach to personal hygiene.

Dead

In the mirror!

Right now that's one tough question to answer, my world's been flipped upside down, i'm trying to fathom out what on earth i'm going to do. So i'm just going to say hopefully i've progressed through work a bit further and that i've finally moved outta my mum's!!!!

Meandering through life, still not sure what to do. Fondly remembering the road trip across America with husband for my 40th. Stroking my cat, who is still alive and is well, despite being 18.

Hopefully retired!

Right here, doing the same old thing. I will have lost a stack of weight and be a happier, more spiritual person. Not because of the weight loss but because I am part of a 12-step programme of recovery from addiction which is showing me the path to a better life.

Living with Ben.

Hopefully free of this eating disorder, married with a new baby.. Oh and I don't wear undercrackers - ever unless wearing a short skirt.

Hopefully a Million miles from where Iam now x

Happily married with at least 1 kid. Oh God, I really, reeeeeally hope so.

In the ground

Prime Minster or if I've won the Lotto then running F1, but most likely still wasting my time on Twitter.

I DONT KNOW??? WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING NE THIS QUESTION!!!! I want to cry

leaving university, hopefully looking for or working in a job relevant to what I want to do with my life

I will be 50. Yikes.

Happy

I'd quite like to be back in full-time work (children will be at school) again. Ideally I'd like to have left this godforsaken country too, but think we'll probably still be trapped here.

Well... I don't really know. Potentially going to study something else, and work in that, but I don't really know. I think I'm a bit scared of making the wrong decision

Hopefully still alive.

Still here, five years older.

Married. Qualified nurse. New build house. Puppy.

I'd love to be married with kids

Dead.

Happy within myself Travelling alot more

Don't know I'm not a psychic

This question just depressed me. I think the only thing that will have changed is I will be older. Possibly poorer, although there is a limit as to how much poorer I can possibly be.

Lets see...I'll be 32. I hope I'll be married to my beloved, have a little baby or two, and we'll have moved into our dream self-built Eco house. I'll be doing a better-paid job that I actually enjoy. I'm hoping I'll be part way through writing my first novel. I'll have been to New Zealand and Japan. I'm going to read this to myself in five years time and see how wildly off the mark I was....

Widowed. I've said before that my husband is ill and I don't know how much time left he has. We were childhood sweethearts and I don't know what life will be like without him.

I honestly don't know right now. I have a big decision to make and it'll affect the life of someone else too.

Having invented a time machine.

Nowhere, I never expected to survive this long & now I don't know how to plan.

Bums

Same job probably. That or on the moon with Elvis and Lord Lucan

Living anywhere but London, doing a different job.

wanking into socks, still

Still alive, I hope

I'll still be living in the same house playing video games and earning more money hopefully.

Living on a desert island doing my best to repopulate the species with Eliza Dushku.

Hopefully in a better paid job than I am now (although I'd like that one in five months) and with a kid. We're trying and all that.

I would imagine mostly in reflective surfaces.

Slaving away at a desk along with the rest of the rat race. Or a fat housewife with 3 screaming brats.

Hopefully married with kids, teaching part time.

Scotland or dead

Raging against the machine. Or accountancy.

Bored. Still bored.

Moving house perhaps as loan will be paid off.

With sproglets, hopefully

Winner of X Factor 2018

Oh god this is going to have me in panic mode all day. Ideally living in another country, with at least one child, no fucking idea how to get to that though...

what a boring question. Live for today.

Hopefully on holiday somewhere sunny, just like I am today.

Err. Bored, miserable, alone. Probably.

Doing whatever a (by then) 11 year old wants me to do.

Still alive, with a bit of luck.

2. Picked spring as I'm a spring baby, but I love all the seasons equally as each has its own 'thing' that makes it fab! In 5yrs I'd like to be making a living with my hobby..

Fuck knows, hopefully not in this shit hole job

Really rich, managing my business that will be a worldwide success by then.

A fat alcoholic working in the same job. Be great if would be different but can't see it

On a Smallholding in Cornwall wrangling slightly feral kids and animals.

Same place, doing the same things, just 5 years older

At the bottom of a really large bottle

Slightly to my right

With some bloody money! (Hopefully!) (Now self employed so can't technically be sacked anymore)

Much the same as now, still single but settled, different job and slightly happier.

probably with a pickled liver

Hopefully still happily married, maybe another child and possibly finished work and extending our current home

Married with two babies. I thought this ten years ago and it didn't fucking happen. I can dream *single and adopting a gorgeous daughter and aim to be happy healthy and content

Probably still working like a dog. But I'd like to at least be ownning my own house and a better car!

Hopefully not where I am now!

New job. The baby I'm having to have a new sister or brother. And to be more sensible with money.

Same shit, different year

Happier.

In London with a better job.

Oh hell who knows? NO-ONE that's who

Qualified, living in a barn conversion in North Yorkshire and ultimately happy

Wife, kids, some shit job or other

Either with a doctorate or dead in a ditch.

I'll almost certainly have another child as I am planning a solo pregnancy with donor, so as a result I will probably still be single! I'm fine with that, hopefully I will still have my friends and family around me and I will be successfully running the little business enterprise that is currently in the making.

Dead

hopefully with a decent english degree, in a relevant job, and living with joe, my boyfriend

in the same place as i am now.

Still alive hopefully

Engaged, maybe married, bit more educated with a more fulfilling job, a baby or 2. Happy, more than anything.

Probably where I am now. Which is the most fucking depressing thought in the world.

married with 2.4 dogs.

Sat in exactly the same place.

I see myself with about 2000 more of these surveys under my belt.

I'm hoping for happy and in an actual adult relationship. I'll probably end up living on my own pretending I'm fine though.

Not a clue

Not where I am today! More specifically: In a good job (that I enjoy) and a committed relationship, and with my (our) own place to live (not rented).

I hope that I'll be doing something worthwhile with computers. I fear I'll have committed suicide.

I'd love to think in a better job with a detached house but the reality is probably the same or a similar job and the same house.

Who knows? Hopefully happy and healthy.

Sitting in the same place doing the same job, as lazily as I have for the last 13. My son will be 6, and my intellectual equal

Probably dead. Not that I'll have done owt daft but I'm poorly and unlikely to see it.

Dead probably

Still alive, if I'm lucky. I have a better than 50% chance of developing the same cancer that killed my brother.

Older.

Probably dead,if not happy wth new partner on caribbean island

5 years older if im still alive....................................................................................................

A mom

Sat on the shitter, as I am now

Physically I hope to be living in Brighton with my 3 kids. Workwise, not a clue. Hopefully involved in some kind of left wing activism. Emotionally, I'll be very aware that I'm nearly 50. And as things are for me right now, quite possibly divorced. And poor. I'll definitely be poor. Hopefully I'll be over the anxiety though. Because fucked up as my life sounds then, it's nothing like as fucked up as it now.

Gran Canaria, retired, drinking beer and watching bikini clad young ladies playing volleyball

Here, frankly. Five years isn't long.

In New Zealand!

In another country, hopefully.

Not got a clue - probably still shining this seat with my backside everyday

Alone. It's the price I'm paying for falling deeply and irreversibly in love with somebody I shouldn't have and breaking up my family. I will have nothing as I deserve nothing.

Still wasting my days on twitter

In good shape, training others to better their lives. Hopefully living with a girl I'm in love with. (Hopefully dont settle for someone I don't love)

In a house of my own for me n my kids

Dead.

Hopefully New York.

California.

With older kids.

Kenya

Jamie is a cunt

Having sex with you.

Here. Or there

Happily living with my current married lover and her kids. Ah well, I can dream.

Same fucking place

Still trying to live a thoughtful, loving and thankful life

Married, at least one small toddler, freelancer.

My Children will be 7 and 9 by then so I imagine I will be spending their summer holiday running them all over and entertaining them. Prety much as I am now though I hope to be less tired and slimmer!x

Not much different from now.

I'll be 27 and probably still clueless. Just with more tattoos and longer dreadlocks.

Doing stuff I want with people I like.

Australia.

Australia with a proper job and a proper boyfriend/girlfriend.

Queen of Twitter.

Dead from stress :-0

Dead

Hopefully out of this flat and in a bigger house.

It matters not as long as my precious wife is with me.

not sure really. probably where i am now, but 5 years older.

Living abroad

dont think that far ahead

I don't know. Life is full of surprises and I have definitely come close to death a few times so I try not to turn down opportunities and just take the adventures I can get now. I may be CEO of my firm, or be living in Asia, or married and happy with babies. I may retrain as a bikram yoga teacher and go and run my business in a beautiful corner of the world. Don't stress about the future, try to make sure you're doing the right things now

Five years older.

Living back in Glasgow, with my own car, still enjoying my early retirement and travelling

The same as i am today only older

Sat at my desk filling in my 1,800th survey

Hopefully still alive and still happy. That is all I want

Working in a job that doesn't cause me to have a nervous breakdown.

I have no idea what's in store. The most important thing is that I'm in the place and situation that God has called me to.

Answering stupid questions on a different survey

Hopefully happy and healthy

doa

Lounging on a massive yacht in the Mediterranean, family will be there too. I have a dream people!

York hopefully.

Hopefully in a happier place than I am right now.

Ruling the world. *evil cackle*

In your mum.

I can't, my crystal ball's on the blink.

God knows

In mirrors.

Probably face down in a puddle of my own vomit.

I'm not really sure you know. Hopefully happier.

Haven't a scooby

Hull

Dunno what is this a job interview?

Living the high life after a substantial lotto win :-)

In a van, driving round Europe. Fuck this working for a living shit.

Saving puppies from burning orphanages at work.

I have learnt that you cannot plan the future. It rarely turns out the way you expect it to. Like the John Lennon song.

Hopefully out of debt and happy.

I have no idea I'm just gonna go with the flow

In love, hopefully.

Happy I hope.

I honestly don't know.

Fuck knows

Winning an Oscar for an awesome screenplay I writed.

In your Mum.

Somewhere roundabout here wondering why I still am.

... Really can't face answering the question.

Good question! I'd love to say famous, award-winning professional photographer...

Well, I'm hoping a promotion becomes available and to be living in a house rather than this one bed flat. But unless the promotion happens, the house won't happen.

Somewhere other than here.

Having completed a degree and masters and hopefully in gainful employment in arts or education or a combination of both.

Coming to the end of my poverty line... happy... living somewhere totally new from now... happy... business is a complete success... happy

"Where I see myself now, in a mirror" this will be a particularly witty response from at least five people. It's not big, it's not clever.

Alive

Supreme overlord of the entire planet. Steak will be eaten for breakfast dinner and tea. And mila kunis will be my sex slave.

Where I am now, but with children, and very happy about this I am too.

On my desert island, having won the lottery.

No idea. Hopefully happy, financially stable and doing a job I love. Other than that, I have no firm ideas.

Camped in a Tesco Extra with the other survivors; fighting off the zombie hoards.

Dead with any luck

Probably still tweeting and answering daft surveys when I should be interacting with my family.

Deceased.

Fuck knows. Hopefully in a job I enjoy more, a bit more money to play with (not much, I'm not greedy) & healthy & happy family.

hopefully still alive. diagnosed with cancer last year

If I have enough money, living in rural France without a care in the world.

Hopefully with the woman I really like just now. I think she is an amazing and wonderful person. She's made me feel the greatest I've felt for years. I've been a bit of tit lately, but I really hope she gives me a chance to show her what she really means to me.

I'm not sure.

What's this, an interview? I dont really give one. I'm neither ambitious or a planner, stuff just happens. Whatever.

As a playwright doing playwriting things

Doing the same ole "fuck me" boring job, living in the same area etc etc, I hate it when I see/get asked this

Living in a remote farmhouse with my soulmate @eatmyhalo. We'll write sit-coms and comedy screenplays, walk together for miles and watch action and sci-fi films by the open fire.

As a qualified nurse and married

This is going to sound really cheesey but as long as I'm with @wolfdjb and we're both in good health and still have our jobs then that'll do for me.

Still what I'm doing now. Not very interesting.

3 kids and settled.

Hopefully the same place I am now, but even more content and settled.

On a yacht in the Carribean

Old!

Hopefully, in a bigger house, with a dishwasher and full sized fridge freezer. And somewhere to keep the hoover. I'd love it if me and my gorgeous husband had at least 1, but maybe 2 children by then. Then I'd be living the dream.

In your mum

To be just as much in love with my husband and daughter as I am now. Hopefully living in a bigger house. I'd love another child to join our family but think this is unlikely.

Complaining on twitter about all the things u haven't done.

Taking the tube instead of walking probably.

Happy, less critical of myself and comfortable in my own skin. I'm working on it...

Living in a bigger house with a soundproofed pod in the garden. I'll be the only one with a key to the pod.

Living it up in paradise / still dreaming of living it up in paradise ?

the same, but 5 years worse and probably divorced and fighting for custody of my kids and hooked on anti-depressants and still drinking heavily. yay!

Good grief. I'll be 50 years old. Thanks for the reminder. Hopefully in a happy, sex-mad relationship.

In a little cottage with a wood burning stove, reading, eating good food and having copious amounts of cyber sex

Hopefully in my own place with my girlfriend (possibly fiancé by then if not wife) maybe even a kid. Well, that's what I'd like anyway.

With loads of money.

Married with at least one child, hopefully continuing to work in my current job but maybe in a more senior role. More than anything I just want to be happy.

At the top of my game. I've had two promotions in the last 7 months and an amazing payrise. I am ruthlessly ambitious.

5 years older

I really hope I have kids but if he is still ill, it probably won't happen. That makes me very sad indeed.

Having to sell my home because I can no longer exist on my pauper's wages.

Happy. And normal. Normal its underrated

I want to be in a job I love but other than that I am happy for everything to be the same as it is now

Hopefully still married but owning a house too

Fuck knows.

I only ask one thing, that we're not still living in THIS HOUSE. Sorry, emotions running high on trying to move out of THIS HOUSE.

At work, loving my job, making a difference. Hopefully having it off with some hot man in uniform.

In a home of our own, with 2 children and a dog, planning family holidays to Disneyland.

No idea :-(

prison

I dare not think about it. I tend to cry if I do.

Deciding if I should take a promotion or move close to a better 2ndary school for my son.

Older and more wrinkled.

Same but older

Oh god, I hate to think. Where I'd like to be and where I probably will be are two very different things.

Probably still here

Out of debt with massive tits

Sticking my boner into your Mum's cheap ho ass.

Chartered Accountant. Married.

Own house, wife and just about to start running the world?

Hopefully in bed with *twitter crush*, fucking wildly.

Shitting myself about turning 50 next year.........

no fucking where

Being a good parent, hopefully

I really don't know and it terrifies me. I always thought at some point it would all fall into place, and the older I get I realise it's not gonna happen. I'm terrified that I'll get old and never really feel like I've lived a life.

Either working as a teacher, or hitch hiking round the world and busking.

Married 14 years, kid of 12, hopefully still going strong with my secret lover.

Still married with a 12 and 8 yr old but having won €60m on the Euro lottery spending a lot of time in my villa in Barbados.

In the mirror

Living in brighton, working for someone who actually knows what they're doing

Making twitter surveys *stares*

Finally settled down and sorting a family

Happier

Same place I am now

Bankrupt and homeless.

N/A as that is beyond the life expectancy of a Scotsman.

Dead or wanting to be.

Hopefully achieving some semblance of being able to write for a living, as someone who has travelled to more of the places on my very long list and, fingers crossed, in a serious relationship with someone I'm in love with, who is in love with me too and who makes me laugh until I have to gasp for them to stop because a little wee just came out.

With more money and freedom as my kids will (fingers crossed) be working

Dead

Oh Christ. 40. Fuck's sake. No idea whatsoever.

Still here, discussing how it'll only be for another year or two...

I'm with someone quite, quite wonderful and we are moving together with our long term plans. I'd like to see us settled down, I'd like to have gone back to uni and got my masters or I'd like to claw my way up the ladder of the company I'm in now.

Hopefully having actually recorded an album and published a book... but I better get off my considerable ass!

Happy & settled. My career & the love of my life with me. Sad but true. Also a complete dream.

With another baby. Maybe a better job. Greyer hair. Normal stuff.

Two possibilities: (1) living in the countryside with a lovely man as my husband with cats and dogs as our 'family' enjoying the outdoors a lot, or (2) living in the countryside on my own with cats and dogs as my 'family' enjoying the outdoors a lot.

Got to live for now!

Still here?

In a mirror

All business I'm afraid. That's all I have. In my Maserati, still growing my little acorn business & challenging myself & really REALLY feeling like I'm achieving. Not just kinda feeling it. I'm going to be 50 then & wow, am I dreading it but if I still look good, strive for excellence & kill it...I've cadences out a good career. ALL ON MY OWN

Older

Not in fucking wokingham, that's for sure. Dullest place I've ever lived.

Probably asleep.

Looking hench. Married but still happy!

Results - 08/08/2013

1. Do you love the smell of Lush stores?

Yes 31.8%
No 46.9%
I've never been in Lush 21.3%


2. Which film is the scariest out of the films below?

The Exorcist 19.7%
Paranornal Activity 13.1%
The Blair Witch Project 13.3%
The Omen 11.4%
Poltergeist 6.8%
The Ring 19.9%
IT 15.8%


3. Can you touch type?

Yes 54.3%
No 45.7%


4. Are you still in touch with your best friend from school?

Yes 47.8%
No 36.4%
Only on Facebook 15.8%


5. How would you describe your day so far?

It hasn't started yet (it's still technically Wednesday)

Lazy - apart from a walk and the washing up I've spent nearly all day on the sofa tweeting, Crushing Candy and watching telly.

Meh! Work, 241 at pizza express then food shopping

I have had a nice day off - a lie-in, nice dentist appointment (I know!), good chat with a friend, yummy food and now a sneaky bit of online shopping before bed

Work was shit, home was good.

Cloudy with sunny spells.

Fabulous!

Busy, fun and rewarding.

Ok, day off, pint at lunchtime T20 village cricket this evening - my team won, Hot Fuzz on tellybox now.........

Lie in, orthodontist, lunch, therapist, dog walk, watching telly, dinner, bed.......recovering in general...nice

I think I'm turning japanese, I think I'm turning japanese, I really think so.

It was going great til 5pm then it went a bit crap but it has been good since 7:30...

Ending. Family back after 2 weeks away. Happy happy joy joy!

Not the best. I am having trouble with the new man in my life. It is breaking my heart. I am very low and feel so alone and lonely.

Busy.

Sleep, work, boredom, coffee, work, Twitter, work, feeding cats, music, emails, admin, work, food, bath, work, Sharknado, beer, writing, 5urvey.

Existing on another plane after about an hours sleep. I floated through the excruciating dirge of work without really achieving anything. I have had a lot of hot drinks though, so that's good.

Ok.

It's only a minute in, so meh....

1 minute in and going well!

wanked, into a sock. You?

it's 1 minute past midnight, so I'll say short.

I've been in Edinburgh at the Fringe all day so it's been alcohol filled and excellent.

Paint, birthday, sausage, bacon, paint, wine, beer and more beer.

Boring.

Hungover, ate shit, pretended to work, jogged, ate shit, bed, wank.

Only one minute in. I cant sleep, my back hurts and I'm heartbroken so guessing its going tk be another crap one

Busy

Awesome! Especially as I'm not at work and hopefully seeing my fella tomorrow for a couple of days

Pissed

Quite productive. Must have been because I'm shattered.

fairly productive, with a large chance of biscuits.

Pretty typical.

Well it's only 00:03 but I'm drinking cider and eating popcorn so bloody great!

Average. Had you asked me this yesterday I'd have had a very different answer.

Lazy but ok.

I left the house for the first time since Saturday. I have no friends.

Disjointed. Busy. Lazy. Eye opening. Rushed. Slow. Frustrating. Satisfying. Pretty run of the mill.

Shit. Same as every day.

Painful.

4 mins in, so I'm in bed about to go to sleep...could be worse I suppose!

It's 00:04 going to keep now, daytime will be boring at work

Fairly busy, quite tiring, and OVER. On to tomorrow.

lazy

M'eh with a touch of blurgh.

Well, it's 5 past midnight and has comprised of the continuation of a rather graphic conversation with my lover about us having a threesome with another woman. So, yeah, so far it's been alright.

Shiite

Spent more time on Twitter this evening than I have in ages. Rarely have time for a right old tweet these days. You lot are alright. Apart from *lin**r obviously, who is like a bear with a sore arse.

Pretty super.

Fucking electric. Everything went well.

It's five past midnight. Not slept yet so yesterday really but it was all good. The first really productive work day I've had in a while so it left me cheery all evening.

Sleepy

Okay. Thanks for asking. How's your day going dude?

Short. It's 00.09.

Drunkenly

Not particularly fabulous. Got taken out of the loop on a minor task but told I was still in charge of it; because I didn't have all the required info, I ended up looking like an idiot a few times. At least I found out my head of dept bragged about some jam I sent him and now a colleague is envious. I enjoy cooking, even at long distance

.... Does anyone read all the answers for question 5 or do what I do and scroll down to your own? I did fuck all today but sit around watching twitter and tv.

Distinctly average. I DON'T HAVE FUCKING PMT YOU FUCKING JIZZTWAT FUCKCUNTNUTS

Like it bummed my mum to the soundtrack of all the cake in the world being burned on a sacrificial pyre, then wiped its cock on my face without so much as a smile.

FABULOUS.

Pretty awesome..as a side note. Hardly seen any of them scary movies. Put them on my list of things to watch, and my best friend from school didn't tell me her name was Slaggy McSlaggerson. You probably fucked her, everyone else has

It's 00:12 so not bad, gotta be better than yesterday

It's 00:12 so not bad, gotta be better than yesterday

Shite, boring, painful, drunk. Same as every other day.

Boring usual bolloxy shite

Shite.

Pleasant but uneventful which is fine.

Just getting going

Im on holiday, day on beach, swimming in Caribbean Sea and relaxing.

Not bad. Quick fire dealt with & now I'm lying down. I love my job.

A bit sad that XenomorphJedi has died.

Hectic and satisfying until i realised i made a FUNDAMENTAL mistake which means i have to undo EVERYTHING. Kill me now...

Southwest 7 to storm 10, veering south. Good, becoming poor in showers. Moderate or good, occasionally poor.

Rubbish. It's only just gone midnight. Suppose things can only get better.

Should be asleep :-o

Massively mental and toxic.

I started work at 8:30am it's now 12:24 am and I've just finished, I'll start again at 8 am my day has been long

It's only 00.24. So....quiet but with intermittent snores from my wife. Warm, dark, comfortable. The day, not my wife.

Great! 2 workouts and a good chinwag with my bestie

Well, it's just gone midnight so my day is about 20 minutes old. How the hell do you think it's going?

Hmmmm, it's 00:26am so.... Short! But about to get better as I go to sleep

Lazy

Caring for two small kids all day then writing til midnight - busy!

Interjected with Toddler

Its evening, I was an eager beaver. Work first thing so I should think pretty mundane.

Smokin

Rubbish cos I can't sleep

Well it's only 42 minutes in but it has already included a shag so, good start! Now it needs to include some sleep. Night.

Well I'm filling this in at five to one in the morning and Ive just been asleep for an hour so I would say not too bad really..though I hope to go back to sleep soon obvs.

Shite

dull

My day was pretty decent

Well, it's only an hour and a half old but so far, I'm tired and my head hurts from work, I've had a fraught phone talk with my wife, my mouth is dry and tastes of curry. But the cat's curled up purring on my lap, so you know, swings and roundabouts..

Ninkenpoop and Ninkensis.

Well it's 1.56am, I can't sleep again, I can't get comfortable and one of the dogs is having a scratch pressed up against my spine. I still don't have a job and the bills are starting to mount. Other than that it's all fine. Hopefully my mood will be better in the morning.

Fucking hot.

Pretty damn good for a work day!

I've been asleep for it all. Then I dreamt a bee flew up my nostril so now I'm awake and daren't go back to sleep as my nose feels funny.

Only 3 am. Got woken up by the neighbours water fountain making me need a wee. Now I probably won't be able to get back to sleep as I'm thinking about scary movies. ... I'm tired!

Fucking brilliant!

Pubes

Irritating. It's 3am, I want to sleep!

Sleepy

Chill, but a pretty good day!

It's 4.43 am and I'm on my first breastfeed of the day so, so far, my day is just fine.

Noisy, it's 5:24am, been woken up by husband snoring and he is lying so close he is right next to my ear.

Feeding the cat, going back to bed, reading Twitter (is 5:30 am)

About four minutes old...

Awake too early, about to go to work for the first time after being off sick for three days

Ok just got up & going to work. It can only go downhill...

Too early. (II've never seen any of those scary films. You need a don't know option)

It's 6:44, the train was on time & I've got a seat. The sun is shining. And I've got a day off tomorrow. Pretty damn good so far.

I've been awake for 5 minutes.

I have only seen The Omen out of the films you list. I hate horror films. My day so far- my cat woke me by sticking his nose in my ear. I fed him, made a cup of tea, WhatsApped someone and did 5urvey.

It's way before 7am in the school holidays and I've just been woken up by a kitten who jumped on my head and the 10 yo boy who was yelling and taking his duvet out of the cover. It's going to be a long day *sigh*

I only woke up 2 minutes ago, so fairly uneventful

Sweaty.

Standard. I've had breakfast, caught up on the news, just dropping the kids off at the pool whilst reading Twitter. Off to work shortly.

One day closer to the weekend. Work is incredibly boring at the moment, but they won't give me anything exciting in case I have another nervous breakdown.

Wake up, pee, back to bed, zzz, alarm, coffee, survey...

I haven't got up yet as its only 7.20 but I can see the sun is shining and I have a day off work so I think it could be a good day.

It's 7.30 am. Therefore shite.

I've had bacon for breakfast so pretty damn good!!!

Pretty good (still in bed)

Still in bed! Up earlier than I wanted to be, joined by one of the cats now though. Have looked on Twitter, played Candy Crush and spoken with my girlfriend, who is in the room now getting ready for work. I have also repeatedly lambasted myself because I love that woman so much that I can't stay mad at her even when she is so thoughtless and hurtful sometimes. And while I was mid-sentence, she just accused me of something which was absolute bullshit. Frustrating.

Acceptable

Horizontal.

I woke up 15 minutes ago and I'm still in bed

Sleepy

It's 0802. So far I've managed to feed my daughter and put in my contact lenses....it's going pretty well.

Good, so far I seem to be morning sickness free. It would have been improved if my idiot of a husband hadn't dragged me out of bed to deal with his veg having tomatoes in (I'm very allergic to tomatoes).

Non eventful. In eating breakfast.

Fractious

Short. I've only been up for 1hr. Poor question.

Bit of a blur. I dont remember getting up or getting to work

Early ... But good

OK. Nervous about a hospital appointment

Annoying. Overslept. Woken up by cat pawing me in the face. Cycled to station. Had some gross white van man heckle me. Got to station. Realised forgot key for bike lock. Got on the train. Now sitting next to some stupid prick not giving me enough legroom because his balls are just *so* huge. And he's reading the Sun. Men - it makes you look like a thick pervert. Anyway lets hope it gets better from here. How was yours?

Had a cup of tea in bed whilst watching an episode of Greys Anatomy. Which was enjoyable. Now going to exercise . Which I won't enjoy as much.

I had a fantastic (but too short) sleep, I woke up, fed the cats, then sat down to type up some minutes for work. After which I showered and drove to work. Now I'm at my desk and about to write up a to do list. Sickening isn't it?

I'm not out of bed yet, but feel a bit guilty about that because my poor hubby has been awake ALL night, due to a work deadline this afternoon. He's come up for a 'power nap' now, and I have strict instructions to wake him up when I finish my coffee. Which seems cruel because he's been awake for 27 hours

Bloody awful. Everything I touch seems to break and I'm being shouted at already and its only 08:50. Today can do one. I'm ready to call it a day and go home.

Can I just say LOL re: Q1 about Lush? I can't walk past the shop without covering my nose and mouth, if I breathe any of the stench in, I can actually feel my stomach start to churn. (In answer to this question... day is okay, though I'm feeling a bit sick thinking about Lush now)

It's ok.

unproductive

Slow.

UTTER FUCKING SHIT.

Slurpy

Sleepy

Peppapigarific

Lazy

Bed & twitter (9.09am)

I've had three lady wanks, so very good.

Waking up, showering and packing. By this evening I will be in a wonderfield field with an even wonderfully girl probably taking some wonderful drugs and having a wonderful time.

Very average. Looking forward to a wank. In a sock

Got up, made some push-ups, went running, and now I'm picking my nose whilst sitting at my desk.

Not too bad

Short. Just woke up.

Tiring.

A fart from the devils arse!

Fairly shite and it's only 9AM

Has been the best start to the week so far. Admittedly that's not much to go on because the others have been shit. However my crappy starts appear to have been transferred to my husband, who just dropped his phone down a toilet...<stifles laugh>

Tense

Sleepy

tea n twitter.

Lazy. I'm on summer holidays and have become a bum. I'm tweeting and smiling because it's TWEETATHON.

Still in bed so pretty awesome.

Wank

Same as every other day, get up late, rush to get to work, cup of tea and a fag.

boring, tired but on a good note the sun is shining

Sleepy

Average day. Up showered out coach got coffee AHA take on me on radio.

Short (still eating breakfast) and harmonious.

So so.

Interesting. Spent the morning DMing someone I think I'm falling for because they are clever and funny. I have no idea what they look like. Is this normal? I'm guessing not.

It's 9am. I've had a bagel and a coffee and now I'm gently cupping my balls while filling this in.

Hot.

Alright I suppose, woke up and had breakfast, haven't stubbed my toe on anything yet

Good. Semi-productive. Chatting to people on the internet, listening to music, and booking a holiday.

Perfect. Lying next to a pool in Rhodes, amazing breakfast, massage, then kayaking in the med. Now chilling by the pool before lunch.

Lazy

Our hero ventured forth from Blackfriars to the Cafe of Nero where he partook of a cappuccino and croissant of almondes in the morning sunshine. Henceforth he meandered his weary way to the office where he hath sworn many times at his computer.

School holidays, so, so far tiring!

Pretty average so far

Woke up depressed as I've fallen out with somebody who I care about. Come to work and can't be bothered. Not looking forward to football tonight. So pretty negative unfortunately

Just woken up, going to have a long lazy brunch then crank up the old laptop to finish a couple of jobs and get those pesky clients off my back.

So far so good but it's pretty early

Bit nothing so far

Toast marmite honey

Depressing. Have something very important I need to do and have been putting it off for weeks. Its really worrying me. Have to sort it out now. Also, I'm looking for the paper part of my driving licence to send away to get 3 points for a speeding fine. I was doing 37mph in a 30mph zone. Hidden van caught me out. Oh, and I need to get my car MOTed and taxed so I'm booking that in today. At the moment though, I'm smoking a cig in the garden, wishing I was happy.

Crap

Boring. Work. Grrrrr

Excellent. I'm on holiday. I'm not hungover. Nice things are happening.

Fucking fantastic (literally)

Refreshing

Wank.

2 dumps, a fry up, a wank and sent a snapchat of myself with a sock on my knob. It's only 9.30. Back of the net.

I have diarrhoea so yeah, fucking amazing.

Pretty good

I felt a bit dizzy when I woke up, I've put that to rights with a glass of squash and a shed load of fig rolls. Feeling better now (09.40).

Alan Partridgey

Shit - literally!

Mellow

Uneventful

Lazy

Poo, modern war, coffee, fruit toast, orange juice, interact with family

2 wild kids and attitude from a 6yr old oh joy!!!

Crap!

Rubbish

I've only been up for an hour and I'm not working till 6 tonight so it's been pretty chilled so far.

Awake, tea, kids pissy sheets, kids breakfast, omelette, I'm John Catucci, you gotta eat here.

It's 10am, potty training already getting me down. I've made pancakes, which were mostly worn as a hat. The kitchen is spotless. I need more prozac. Don't think I'll be able to leave the house today, social anxiety at 7/10

Groundhog

In bed all day, I don't feel too good.

shit. My relationship.is falling apart and my partner is an awful passive.aggressive. doesn't seem to care what impact she.has on the kids.

Woke up, reached for phone, might read for a bit, might go back to sleep

Just the normal work drudgery. I HATE MY JOB, but i don't seem to be able to find another. Sigh...

hanging

Using adjectives.

Very odd. Having a conversation with my very recent ex about the boy that am actually in love with and always have been. So yeah, odd.

Just woke up, still cute though!

Slow. Going for my second poo now.

Uneventful. Got up and had a shit.

Sleepy

very, very lazy

Satisfying. After a tough couple of weeks, everything seems to be clicking for me.

well, I've woken up semi-hungover and sat infront of the telly all day so far. Awesome!

Transcribing interviews - so dull as fuck, if I'm honest.

Bacon.

JUICE #teamjuice (and a wank) (sorry) (I haven't had one for ages)

Pointless

A dark and as long as yesterday

Fan-dabby-fucking-dozy!!

Good thanks.

Lazy

Fair to middling

Productive now that I'm on a twitter break.

Pretty average.

Quiet. Sleepy. One cup of tea in...

Like The Curates EGG. Good in parts.

Fucking boring.

Long & thankfully over! (9:45pm in Oz)

Tidying/procrastinating.

I'm in bed after being burnt by radiation yesterday

Toilet training my youngest so a bit shitty ;-)

Lazy. Day off work and I've done the total sum of sod all. Can't even be arsed to go outside!

Peaceful.

Fair to middling.

Sleepy - I'm still in bed

I'm not out of bed yet, so pretty harmless.

Sweaty, busy, sweet smelling, dusty, organised, messy, hard work and fun.

Boring. Like all my days. Well, except for the ones with LSD!

An exercise in physical self restraint during the loud and obnoxious 'conversations' of my co-workers.

long

Shit. I have a stalker and I've run into him three times this morning. I don't mean a jokey stalker situation, I mean a man twice my age and height who has spent the last few years just staring at me in the street but has now actually started speaking to me, despite the fact I have always blanked him and never encouraged him in any way. I have continual anxiety because of him, I dread my walk into work each day. He scares me. I'm seriously considered carrying a knife or rape alarm or something just in case.

Boring

Nice and relaxed. Got up early and went for a round of golf with my father in law, had a lovely home-cooked lunch and now just chilling watching some TV.

Tedious, with the occasional WTF moment.

Unproductive

Enjoyably lazy. Got up at midday and watched TV whilst having lunch.

Productive

Hungover. Great breakfast of avocado and poached egg on toast though, that was nice.

Brilliant, lovely lie in & now about to sunbathe :-)

Not bad. Having a bad hair day but planning a trip away and been offered a job interview so swings and roundabouts.

Energetic though lazy

Mundane.

Started off shit, is now awesome!

My baby pooed then peed all over me. And I'm hungover. Do I win?

Kids kids kids!!!

Not too shabby

Plodding along, just going through the motions. Putting off going shopping and counting down the hours until my dealer gets home. At precisely this moment the tv is spewing out "Doctors" with the volume muted and I'm tweeting while listening to a Fuel Records compilation called Eight Track, some seriously deep progressive nu skool electro/breakbeat. I glance out of the window and see a robin atop the garden table, the cheeky wee scamp. Now I've come to the end of my contribution to today's 5urvey I'm going to make a cuppa. My fifth one today. I would like to point out that I'm also bored shitless. Bye!

Nice morning at work training for new job, awful bus ride home on a bus full of noisy kids, now chilling at home.....

Very boring

Noisy! Next doors alarm going off all night and beeping when it's nit screaming, street sweeping van started at 8am, builders across the road using a noisy machine, and to cap it off other neighbour out using the grass strimmer. My heid is buzzing!

Lots of tweeting.

A hot and sticky eight mile walk with a post-bag on my shoulder.

rather quiet, but nice

Delightful. Took my girls out and my older girl managed to ride her bike without stabilisers for the first time. Very chuffed dad.

sleepy

Really appalling. I'm unwell and I'm not getting better. I feel like I'm taking lots of steps backwards.

Boring

My day so far has been fab. Drove up to see @diaryofaledger doing his tweetathon and took him cake.

hours harassment from idiots at work, punctuated by moments of joy with people (well, one person) on twitter

Talking IT solutions between 7 visits to the toilet.

Not quite a Wednesday or a Friday but somewhere in-between.

Totally unproductive, can't even find anything to eat.

Busy. Chores, cookery and sexting.

I'm a little tired which isn't great, but have been doing lots of heavy flirting with an online pal which is making me smile lots. So yeah, pretty standard really!

Today has been tiring. Very challenging and has put me in a foul mood from the off. It's the kind of day I'd tie up and torture before slowly cheese-wiring pieces of it off and feeding them to the hungry clown I'm also keeping captive in dreadful conditions.

Hot, hot, hot! Interspersed with cold on the ice rink. It's 35 degrees here in Latvia

This survey has been the most exciting thing I've done so far, so i think i can sum my day up to now as dull! Onwards and upwards *reaches for beer*

Shit.

Dull.

Lazy

Shitty. Not well in house full of not well kids after a night of almost no sleep.

Quiet

Alternatingly shit and more shit

Middling. Not enough girls.

Shit. Think my girlfriend is cheating on me.

lazy

A big bag of smelly bobbins!

Fine I guess. I woke up at 10.10 and was at work 40 minutes after that. I'll be here for another 4 hours. Then go home to bed. Same again tomorrow.

Pretty epic!!

Exhausting

Meh

Not bad at all, better now I'm home from work with a drink in my hand.

Fair to middling.

Fucking shite.

Amazing

Thursday.

Same shit, different day. Fair to middling.

Tiring but good.

Spent less of it worrying about the crippling state if my finances than I usually do, so ok.

Pretty uneventful. Much the same as any other day.

Painful

Medicore

Not bad, thanks!

Shitty

Head battered. 2nd week of new job; owners are control freaks with no people skills and just talk AT everyone and don't come up for breath. But... Pizza for tea, telly progs that require no thinking about recorded to watch later so I'm happy

Cathartic

Hectic, stressed, ok, bit of upheaval, turned out ok, happy but I'm desperate to see Alpha Papa.

Long miserable and fucking hot

I would describe my day so far as ok. When my alarm went off at 5.30am this morning and I set it for a 15min snooze, ended up getting up 13 minutes later which was ok. I then went out to work, which was ok. I got back home at about 5.30pm and had a cup of tea which was ok. I had some cheese with my cup of tea, I love cheese, it was only ok though. I'm now thinking about cooking dinner, nothing amazing, just something ok. I would describe my day so far as ok.

Shitty! But I'm alive!

Sexual Tyrannosaurus. Nah, only joking, I've been an angry cow for most of it. I saw two magpies just now though so I'm expecting to either meet the love of my life in the next hour, or not walk into anything for the rest of today.

lazy.

Pretty much a complete mixture of feelings

Busy as hell. Busy but productive. You know busy and stuff. It was pretty busy. Doing work. Loads of work to do so really busy. My day was busy is essentially what I'm saying.

Average. Mostly average. With less communication with a beautiful woman than I would've liked.

Busy, but decent. It's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing a cosmic dress with unicorns on it.

Busy, clean clean clean, shop shop shop! Mother put two grand in my account instead of 500! So of course I've spent the majority of it. Two sheep tried to butt my unsuspecting cat.

Well, my cat woke me up at 2am and it took me 2 hours to get back to sleep, then I had a maths test at 8am this morning (seriously, I'm in my 30's I thought all that stuff was behind me! ) then I helped about a bajillion people who just wined and moaned about trivial stuff. Then I moaned and wined about them because I didn't get enough sleep and it made me irritable. I'd had enough by 2pm. But I'm home now, so I'll have a shower and pour myself some wine ... I prefer that type of wine!

Non-eventful.

Rather banal

Excellent! I am on holiday, and today we went to the beach

Up and down. Had a planning poker meeting. Ate birthday cake, found out my solicitor has left the firm in middle of house sale, upset stomach and presentation cancelled. Also don't like horror films so I'm only guessing which is the scariest.

Trying.

A complete waste of everyone's time.

Very long, frustrating and wearing. Need an early night

Fair to middling.

Bollocks and still on the down slope

It's been an absolute belter. I started my own mariachi band and played an impromptu set outside the Bentall Centre. The highlight was our version of Jason Donovan's classic "Too Many Broken Hearts". Then went round to my Nan's for tea. We had Liver and Bacon with boiled cabbage and tinned potatoes. It was the best. Tonight I'm going to join Fuckbook to meet some local MILFs.

Shit.

Very mixed

Had a funeral, other than that it's been good

Shit

Mediocre with a touch of tedium

Tiring

Meh

Long

Long

I've done fuck all today bar scratch my arse & balls!!

Up and down. No, NOT like that (unfortunately).

Exhausting

Busy as fuck at the same time as achieving cock-all.

It's alright I suppose.

up too early was a grumpy mare had a kip felt better. went out in the sunshine sang along to the Darkness. all in all a good day. :-D

Not too bad

So far (8.22pm) my day has been pretty good. Stress, pressure and progress at work. Laughing and crying and laughing and laughing and laughing with my lover on the phone, as she drove home to her husband and kids.

Fucking shit. Wish CJ would do one and leave him alone. Nob OFF.

Hectic in work but chilling out now. Coffee n a spliff. Happy days

Picture a turkey. Picture a box of paxo. Put them together a week before Christmas. THAT!

oK

Better than average, so, yay.

Sad, long, tiring & now including beer. Red Stripe to be precise.

So so

unproductive

It's been ok. You?

Long, got up at 5, 12hr shift, went to buy paint, now tired and sitting.

Crap

Busy. Homely. Political. Grand

Pretty darn good!

not too bad thanks

Unproductive

Tiring but good

Honestly, a bit shit.

Busy and full of fun with my kids and friends

Tiring - long - irritating

Fucking shite.

Duran Duran earworm: ♬♪...Just an ordinary day...♬♪ I fucking love that song.

It is at the end now. It was trying in places due to my 3 and 7 yr old bickering constantly whilst I tried to shop in Ikea. However the little beasts are in bed now and I am downing a glass of Prosecco. A mini highlight of my day is actually this quiz and the subsequent answers which make me laugh out loud, wince, despair and feel quite sad for some of the respondents. So in summary, following my gigantic wiibble, not a bad day.

Busy Scary Home

Long. Stressful.

Quiet. Comfortable. Happy.

Mixed. Hard day at work and visiting my mother is hospital countered with visit to friend to gee me up for interview and other lovely friends reaching out to support me whilst my mum is sick. And a cheeky glass of wine.

Meh

Excellent. Lie in this morning, baked a cake, 2 hours volunteering in a dementia care home then back to the woman I love. A++ I think.

Was excellent until someone I care about was a complete tool to me, again. But overall still excellent.

Quiet, hesitant, tiring

Good with minor showers of shit thrown in for good measure

Insouciant

Exhausting, but fairly pointless. Did some work, ran some errands, made some dinner.

I got told a funny story, sold some carpet, my husband cooked me tortellini for tea and fucked it up, it was his birthday so I didn't destroy him for it. All this results in just a standard day. Standard. That's how I'd describe it.

Caused a massive fuck up and I'm pretty sure I'm getting sacked tomorrow! Woo! On a plus side I had gorgeous Indian takeaway!

Work was ok. New hair after work was ace.

Utterly shit. I'm a full time carer & I was told by someone I thought understood my situation that I'm lazy and life is just too comfortable for me on benefits which is why I don't go out & get a real job. Y'know, one where I get to go home at the end of my shift, go on holidays, money, and don't have to plan if I can get an hour to myself depending on my caree's mood swings that day. Tell me a joke, please?!?

It's the end of the day and I'm having a wine - it was pretty ok for a Thursday at work.

Too far from the person I love. Too close to the person I no longer love.

I got paid to be hungover today. It was ace.

Boring

Hard !!!

Backwards step

Not bad. Spoke to my secret lover which always makes me happy.

Better than yesterday, which was better than the day before. Tomorrow's going to be horrific, isn't it?

Unusually productive by my appalling standards

Blah

Smelly

Lovely.

WE WON AT CRICKET! GET THE FUCK IN!

Not bad. But pissed currently. Block it out

Wank with a side order of cunt. I would have to be a gynocologist to have been around more cunts today

As enjoyable as standing naked in a hailstorm.

Great

Horrible and nice. Uncomfortable, lots of pain, but spent it with my wife so that was lovely. Btw, I said The Ring for the scary film question, but I mean Ring, the Japanese original not the American remake which isn't scary in the slightest. The others aren't that scary.

Boring, average at best

Results - 10/08/2013

1. Do you drink tea or coffee?

Yes 91.4%
No 83.6%


2. Did you lose your virginity when you were below the age of consent?

Yes 27.2%
No 69.8%
I'm still a virgin 3%


3. Do you think you have a good taste in music?

Yes 84.6%
No 12.9%
I don't listen to music 2.5%


4. Would you ever have plastic surgery

Yes 41.6%
No 56.2%
I've already have 2.2%



5. How much do you earn?

Not enough. 22600. I pay the bills but there's no fun money

I'm not actually sure, but I think around £70K.

$43K

The tea or coffee question completely threw me. Also I earn £13,000 a year. Woo!

Not much, freelancing at the moment but when I had a full time paid job was around £32k

Next to fuck all.

£26,000 per annum. I would have answered coffee to Q1 but clearly it's all gone a bit wrong tonight.........

15k

No where near enough to live on!

Feck all thanks ATOS. FUCKTARDS.

Not enough! Maybe getting a permanent job would help!

Not e-bloody-nough! Especially for the shit I get, and to be honest I can't remember exactly, just above £23k-ish

39000

£150,000

£60k

Underpaid

A FUCKING PITTANCE

Nothing.

Bullshit

£22600

25,000

£32500 before tax.

£24k, not enough for my highly dangerous job!

Pittance. But if the government asks, even less than that.

Not enough my wages normally last a couple of weeks then I just have to try and manage for two weeks,and quite frankly I don't think I can manage much longer and I'm scared.

not enough for the shite i put up with.

£77000/yr

Nothing at the moment. But when I'm working around 20k

More than society seems to think I deserve

Not enough to answer this question.

Nowhere near enough to cover all the things I want to do/have to pay for.

Not enough, probably about £14k a year.

£140,000

$42k/year

£120,000 pa

£6,700

Fucking nothing.

£38K

Half of what I used to but I'm happier

£44,000-ish and I earn every penny. I would have plastic surgery to correct the deviated septum in my nose if I wasn't such a coward about hospitals.

About 45k.

According to the Student Loan Company, enough to pay them every month. According to my bank, enough to pay them too. According to my wallet; nowhere near enough by the end of the month.

Not enough

Not Enough

5.50 an hour

0 - unemployed at the moment

Enough.

£8 an hour NOT ENOUGH

30k. Grateful that I have a job and can provide for myself was on loads more but I had loads of stress and no life.

Nothing. Self employed, all my earnings get reinvested atm.

not much, I'm just doing a Saturday job right now. I need a better, part time job from October as I'll be at university...

I'm a student. Fuck all.

Zilch

Enough to afford my plastic surgey.

Not enough.

Nosey or what?

£35,000 - £45,000 a year not including bonus or overtime

not enough

HA! Self employed actor. Varies hugely. Most I've earned is £150 per day for an arts council project. Currently unemployed so nothing. Could get an advert that will pay £3k for one days work, or do profit share theatre for practically nothing. Depends what comes up.

£40,500

£25k, but as soon as work sort out my regrade I should be on £30-£35k. This is in London of course.

Not enough

Enough, tah. My dad said people who ask are 'rude, nosey fuckers'. Not my rules.

Not enough

Like I'm going to admit that on here.

£28k

£23500

Nowhere near enough.

Nothing at the moment, but i guess you can't put a price on love and respect so maybe I earn more than many people...

$41.84 an hour on the check. Add in the benefits and the total package is $62.56 an hour. No vacation pay. If I don't work I don't get paid. No sick days or anything.

About the same as my age

0.

As much as I need to afford suits of armour, packets of biscuits, Star Wars figures and The Beano.

£60,000pa

Enough

31,500 a year.

Retired.

Not enough!

Not enough to keep me accustomed to the way I aspire to be!

£12500. In management. Yes, I'm a mug.

Minimum wage. It's horrendous but I've always had pretty much nothing so I'm used to it. I think I'm on £6.24 an hour. Luckily I work over 50 hours a week.

About £84K a year.

€24k and I've been in my job 6 years, never had a raise because the banks were put on a pay freeze!!!

Quite a lot, but that's what I get paid. I don't 'earn' much because I'm lazy as fook.

Not enough for my liking but too much for what I do.... Work sucks.

15kish

At the moment £0, but soon to change when I start my new job!

£13k

£20,000+

£34,800

I don't want to sound ungrateful but not enough. I'm on £14K and I have a job with a lot of responsibility and I have a degree. There's people within the company with less responsible roles on more money than me. I feel really unappreciated, it's so demotivating. After monthly outgoings I hardly have anything left to save up for other things I need.

Nothing...nix....nada - but I do earn a lot in love from my child *voms in corner

11 grand?

Less than minimum wage at present. I'm self employed and my business is going up the shitter :0( I honestly can't tell you how crap this makes me feel.

Not much, I'm a dinner lady, gets me out of the house and I'm home when it counts for my children.

Not enough

Earn? Not much. Get paid? £65,000 ish.

Enough

Not a lot. I'm a student so I do occasional part time work and don't really keep track. But thankfully medical trials pay fuck loads

Nothing, I'm a lazy law student

Enough that I shouldn't whine about it.

At the moment £22k - looking to dramatically increase that by taking a very scary career change

£15,000 per year - I work part-time.

Obvious answer- not enough Realistic answer - a bit less than I need to be confortable.

£40k

Enough to keep the wolf from the door, but not enough to keep me in diamonds

£41,400

£12,000 a yearish

Nada! I'm a student

£21,000 pa

Probably too much.

About £250 a month. Not enough to have any kind of life.

Enough to fill my car with petrol

Every fucking penny

Sorry it's common to talk about money!

Hahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahaha ahahahahahaha I barely exist on my wages, so certainly not enough.

What I earn is frankly none of your fucking business.

About £800/month.

Not enough. Btw, "do you drink tea or coffee? " I was expecting the answers to be 'tea' & ' coffee ' not 'yes' & 'no'. Because I drink coffee but not tea.

£67,000 exc bonuses (which are usually tiny)

Half of what I earn goes in tax then half goes to ex wife say I would say at 25%

Enough

More than some, less than others

£54,000 per year

£34,500, and I love my job. I'm very very lucky, but totally waste my money. I have no savings, yet I don't even do fun stuff like go on holiday. Jesus. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

44000

No enough. I'm underpaid for what I do....+

Enough, and with some to spare. I'm very lucky. (This is an unpleasant and divisive Q5 )

£22,000 a year.

Not enough!

£36k. But I'm single and lonely. I'd rather it was £18k with a loving partner.

£31,000

Not enough

28.5k

Over the last few weeks, my hourly rate feels like about £2 an hour given all the unpaid overtime we are forced in to. Officially, just over £20k a year before tax. Nearly £9k a year than in my last two jobs.

38k I am happy with this so haven't looked for any promotion as I love switching off from work when I leave work. The best things really are free.

About £100 a year if I'm lucky, I do my job for the love of it more than for the money.

Too ill to work ATM.

As a full time carer and stay at home mum, not enough!! Worth it though (most days!) x

Nothing

£20k

I don't work. I am a full time carer for disabled son.

Contrived as fuck - not enough!

£47k

12000 working part time due to family

Less that £18000 a year. Shite really.

About £15000. Only work part time tho.

Around 21k with a tied house too

Not bloody enough

net, £2500 a month

A little over £40k. I don't know if that's a respectable amount or not. Nobody talks about money.

35k but I'm worth more

£45K subject to bonuses

£36kpa

I work part-time and study at Uni but still manage to make about £14,000 a year. Boom!

£100 per week.

Enough for a single person living in London but not enough to ever buy a house. I'm sure I will die homeless and penniless but not before having as much fun as humanly possible.

£41,250 before tax, NI etc. I work over 60hrs a week, but do not risk my life to do so. It took me 10 years to train for my job, and I know that I earn at least £20k less than my male counterparts.

nothing, I'm a student!

Not enough

Mind your own business

£43,000 which is too much as I want to leave but it'll mean taking a pay cut cos my job has specific skills and I'm not qualified to do anything else on a level that would pay the same. Bummer Dude.

£20k or so a year. Took a £6k pay cut last year. Good times.

I'm a student with no gainful employment due to there being fuck-all in the way of jobs round here, so I "earn" about £7,000 a year to live on.

Nothing. I am a single mum and student. I live off benefits and busaries. I do want a job though. I am fed up of being broke all the time.

Disabled so not much sadly

?

About £30.000 a year.

Less than all my friends and family, but still a really decent wage. I'm a slave to it, though. 34k

£48,000 per year.

10024 p/a for two days a week. Not nearly enough for all the shit I have to do. My employers are massive company. I hate it.

£19,000

About £43,000. I feel very lucky.

Enough to be happy and secure but I would like a nicer home and nicer holidays, sadly just taken big pay cut so not likely

30k and I'm the main household earner. It's a comfy amount. I don't feel loaded or skint ever. I get headhunted for roles up to twice that amount but I love my job and lifestyle and the money doesn't entice me to a duller job and longer commute.

Mister Duncan Smith pays me £71 pounds a week right now. I am grateful to my master for his table scraps.

More than many and less than others. 25% less, in real terms, since this awful government took power.

not enough

Without looking at my payslip I can't be exact. How bad is that?!! Around £16k I think.

Currently nothing. Not a penny. Not eligible for benefits either apparently. Bloody illness!

Depends on how busy I am.

NHS band 5 top pay point

Why is thi interesting?

£24k, not bad for my first job out of uni.

65k

Not telling. Not even sure I know.

.... Oral £20, straight sex £30, anal £40, watersports £80 per hr, bondage & kinky stuff £100 per hr. Ring London 1963 and ask for Maureen.

Not enough. Min wage.

About £7000 per year

Not fucking enough.

Not enough to consider myself even comfortable. Every month is a struggle.

Not enough.

Not enough

£16k

I am a stay at home mum and have been for years. I was going to start voluntary work with terminally ill people but then got cancer........my husband earns about 200k......he's worked bloody hard to get this far

£26k + fully expensed car

Enough

Not enough.

Mind your own business!

Lots

Not much

More than I can spend, less than I need, I'm single ladies call me ;o)

Not enough by far

Mind your own business

28k

It's fucking hilarious that the moat up crowd are getting pissed off at being called twitter elite when all that stuff stemmed from all the bitching that went on at the first moat up.

Not enough.

Currently on protected pay, so £50k ish. When that ends in a couple of months, I'll lose £25k

Shit loads. More than I can spend.

19k

Not nearly enough. Below £15k, took a pay cut when I moved

53

Personally don't work as I look after the kids. But the fella brings home £120k+. Makes life a tad easier and more relaxed.

£17,000p/a

42k

Peanuts for working very hard!

£15000pa (40 hour week)

Part time wage - £28500

Enough, but there's always room for more!

None of your god damn fucking business.

£43k

not much at the minute because i work in a school and we're on summer break rn, but it was £6/hour when i was there

Just under £25,000 which works out at less than £1500 a month after tax, national insurance and pension contributions. Depressing.

£25,500

Not enough.

A fine shiny sixpence for my trouble.

£50k

Basic £21250 with overtime £29000

Officially £31k but with overtime and on call closer to £35k

Not enough

Enough

Not enough. How original.

£25k. It sounds churlish, but it's not enough for what I do.

WE'VE HAD ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS ALREADY.

Not as much as I deserve. £21k

£20,500

I get paid in cheese and buttons. My landlord is very frustrated.

16k

£37,500

So little that that question is almost offensive

Not much.

40

Plenty of pride, gratitude and love, nothing that you can measure in units.

£25k and its still not enough.......................................................................................................................

Nowhere near enough! I daresay there'll be a few similar answers today

£27,000 ish, and I feel so fortunate and really appreciate how lucky I am to earn that sort of money. Very lucky indeed. I have had my fair share of jobs earning £2.26 p/h though, and for many years the 27,000 was split between 2 as my husband was unemployed for ages- so was more like we were both on £13,500, which was difficult coz rent costs so high....feel like I have to justify earning £27,000 coz it's a good wage in this climate!

£30k+

It varies, based on company success. But typically £200k - £250k per year. Then kiss near half of it goodbye in tax. Not that I mind, but I wish I could have a say in what it's spent on - the NHS and free higher education for starters. If it wasn't for free higher education I'd probably still be collecting trolleys for Tesco.

None of your business. But I'm a nurse. So nowhere near enough!

Not enough, take home just over £1100 a month someone rich may employ me if they wish.

£0:00

£13,000

£31k

Approx. $31,000 a year.

Not nearly enough!!!!!

Enough to almost pay the bills.

Not enough .....

£60k

Eh?

Not enough to live on.

£45,500

Not enough - in money or satisfaction. Looking elsewhere as I feel I'm wasting myself.

£38k

not enough

Nothing

£130k

Mind your own business. This is something I have rows about with family. I don't think discussing earnings is right. Don't show me yours and I won't show you mine.

Thriftynorr

£18375 plus performance based quarterly bonus. Not enough, that's for damn sure.

Not enough. Har har. £15k per annum

£23k

Nothing

£19k per year

Fuck all

£55k plus stuff

£500- 1000 per day.

£20K early retirement pension! Result!

I don't work. I am in receipt of a disability payment as I'm too I'll to work. I look fine, I don't look ill. I am very ill. I live on €130 pw with two children. Their father, my ex husband, is a highly respected man. He doesn't feel the need to contribute towards their maintenance. We live well below the poverty line and some days I don't eat so my children can. Don't always judge those on social welfare payments.

.

ZERO. I'm a student and my visa doesn't allow me to work in the UK. I just cut down my expenses.

Nothing

£30,800. Can't complain. Railway safety data stuff. You all know who I am now don't you?

I'll go for what's likely to be the most popular answer and say......not enough!!

£75000 pa

Nothing, I'm a student

45k

18k

Approximately 12k per year in tax payers money. (Forecasted to increase to £15k through self employment next year)

£45k p/a Also I said "no" to plastic surgery because I was thinking of it for cosmetic purposes, but I would consider it certainly if it was corrective or needed as result of an injury. Just wanted to let you know.

I'm a student so very very little.

Just above minimum wage

£22000

Lots.

Enough sometimes, not enough most of the time.

Hasn't anyone ever told you it's rude to ask this? If anyone does answer this they'll be lying. It's like asking a women their age.

Why would I tell anyone on here?! I wish Q5 had asked what plastic surgery we would have instead. THAT would be interesting!

About £120k varies a bit but average for last 3 years

£127000 pa

55k

Not enough.

About £55k per annum. Although it's well above the average, I still can't really afford to go on holiday etc at the moment, though day to day living isn't a struggle. Main problem is the large mortgage and my debt from university, which takes up 55% of my monthly take home pay. I have I idea how individuals, let alone families, survive on 25k.

Nothing

Nothing

£65k

Not enough.

£18,000

35-40k per year. Not bad for a guy who failed all his GCSE's and was told my best bet would be to be a builders labourer

Approx £40,000/yr

Nothing. Not A Penny. Thanks to the Con-Dem coalition and ATOS. Not only do I wish I were dead, I'm also too poor to matter

Not enough!

£30,000

Approx €55,000 a year

Not very much. About £4000/year. But love my job!! Sun, sand and ridiculously wealthy people!! Love it!!

£35000. About to be cut to £30000 for doing my job as well as my boss's. I'm ecstatic about this.

Never enough

12000

£23k pa

A bit intrusive however as it is anonymous I will answer. £32k for working 3 days a week. P/T since I had children. I know I am lucky.

It varies depending on night shifts/unsociable hours. I'm nurse, everyone knows how much we earn. Not a lot.

Currently unemployed.

£38k which still isn't enough

I shall not answer that question!

nothing...i get given the waitrose tokens instead...i'm saving them up cos they'll be used as currency soon enough

£35000

Not enough

I only work in the summer part time..but I have a pretty high wage so I make about 5-6 thousand dollars a summer.

£31k

Enough to keep me comfortable but not enough to fulfil my dreams.

ESA

Oooh, can't wait for all the arsey responses! I earn about £13.5k but I'm only contracted to 15 hours a week.

£70k. I'm sorry.

some

£48,000

30000 but I'm northern so that's like 80000 in London

Nosey fucker!!

Not nearly enough to survive

£16,ooo

Not enough *wondering how many people will make that crack*

Just over 30,000 but the government takes loads, begins to dismantle the nhs, and will then force me to spend more on private healthcare. Oh - and the fuckers spent billions on a vanity sporting event and will spenb billions more on high speed rail travel that - like the olympics - will only benefit the rich south east. What a bunch of cunts.

100k

40k

Not enough

Nil

Tuppence

35K

£28,000 there abouts. Why am I so skint all the time?!!

£23k

Not enough

$60,500

Results - 13/08/2013

1. Would you rather own...

A unicorn 39.1%
A dragon 60.9%


2. Do you think you are popular person?

Yes 39%
No 61%


3. Do you think the character Alan Partridge is funny?

Yes 56.1%
No 37.9%
I don't know who he is 6.1%



4. Have you ever been a victim of crime?

Yes 81.8%
No 18.2%



5. What's been one of the strangest coincidences that has ever happened to you?

Usually meeting people on twitter I'm connected to in real life.

When I met the man of my dreams, and then his beautiful wife. (seriously, anything in that song is coincidental, not ironic)

I did a money noise as a monkey walked past.

( . )( . ) I . I I Y I I I i I Someone tried to draw the same crap picture below me.

Getting a phonecall in my hotel room in Vegas asking for my husband who has a very unusual name and finding out it was a wrong number but a guy with the same name was also staying there.......crap I know, but it's all I could think of.........

I dreamed I went for a piss, and when I woke up I'd wet the bed! Weird!

My boyfriend was off skiing, and I suddenly got a strong sense that he'd been injured. He skiied relatively often so this was unusual, the first time I'd had such a feeling. That evening I discovered that right about the time I'd had the feeling, he'd fallen and landed on his skis, cracking a rib.

Not being able to answer this question

I don't know whether it's co-incidence or what. But it relates to when my Grandad died. About two days after I was listening to the radio and his favourite piece of classical music came on. Quite without warning, the digital volume control on the hi-fi moved up to top volume then slowly back down on its own. The control knob didn't turn, but I watched the display change. I was nowhere near the remote control. It never happened before or again after. I felt cold when it happened. Then just returned to normal. Weird.

I broke my foot the same way Warren Gatland did... yea, rubbish I know!

I'm sure I have a good one, just can't think!

Jokes that a girl at work was pregnant. Week later she announced she was (wasn't mine)

Nothing very strange comes to mind - usual going on holiday and meeting someone you know etc but nothing mind blowing

There have been some. Can't think of any at the moment!

I don't believe in coincidences.

I really don't know......

Can't think of any right now.

Meeting an old school friend in the middle if nowhere in France. There was no one else for miles around.

I don't think I've come across any coincidences that have stood out, sorry!

Dreaming of something then it happening...

It's really funny you should ask that...

Erm. No idea. I dont tend to remember them :/

Thinking of, or singing, a song only to turn on the radio to have it playing.

This one time, at band camp...

This one time, at band camp...

Someone I met at school knows (very well) someone I met via an incredibly geeky rollercoaster forum. ALSO: I now work in Suffolk, in the same branch as someone who went to the same school as me (2yrs below) in north London.

Good question. It happens so much. I guess thinking about someone and they text saying they were thinking about you.

After my dad retired and got a bit bored he decided to raise money for charity. They decided to raise money for automatic defribulators, those machines that help you if you are having a heart attack that you see in sports centres and train stations. A few years later he had a heart attack. You can guess what saved his life.

Named my daughter, took her to my grandad for him to see her, found out my great grandmother was called the same name, was a nice moment for me and my grandad. He never speaks about his family normally.

My dad and I have the same reoccurring dream, it's really weird

I had a dream that I was on a plane & that it blew up in the sky after take off, when I woke up I was on a plane but it hadn't taken off, so I got off of the plane & sure enough it blew up shortly after taking off, strange coincidence? Not really because it was actually a film. Are you actually still reading this? Idiot, go to the next one, you haven't yet have you? Look at these dots •••••••••••• boring aren't they?! Don't answer, just keep reading, meh.

Not sure I can think of one right now. Can I have a biscuit instead, please?

Being called a cunt. Turns out I am.

Crossed line just as i was telling a secret - the person whose confidence i was betraying popped up, then disappeared again after i told.

I ended up on holiday abroad once in the same hotel as 2 work colleagues. We all travelled separately and didn't know the others were going.

I got a £359 tax rebate on the same day as a £359 garage bill (that I couldn't afford to pay) came in.

When I was a teenager, I went to phone my friend from my home phone and the line was engaged. turns out we'd randomly decided to phone each other at exactly the same time and both got an engaged tone.

When lost in Denmark we knocked on a random houses door to ask for directions. Not only could the person who answered the door speak English but it turned out shed been given the key to our holiday home and was expecting us. We didn't even know if we were in the right town!

stumbling upon this person like five times, in all of her different jobs in town. I bought a donut from her at this place she worked, then she got a new job and she happened to serve me a couple of times. she tweeted about leaving her job and I joked about seeing her wherever her next step in life was. the next week, I went to try a different coffee shop to my usual Starbucks coffee and was served by this girl. It was rather creepy.

I honestly can't think of any

Pooping and peeing at the same time!

Had a doppelganger at another school near mine.

Me and my friend are both born on the same day and have both shagged two of the same birds.

I walked into a plate glass door and thought I'd met my long lost twin brother.

Cheese

That I was debating whether I would like a unicorn or a dragon and then you asked the question! I would have both.

I can't think of anything good, but Alison in Afterlife (TV show) had the same kitchen tiles as me in my old house.

Former England 1966 goal keeper Gordon Banks being on the same flight to the US 3 years in a row, despite them being different months of the year. Spooky!

Recently, due to no job and not eligible for benefits, was on verge of defaulting on payments for first time ever. Have bled all savings dry. Received 2 letters in the post from Inland Revenue, first notifying me of a tax rebate due as my income last year was so low that I'd ended up paying twice the amount of tax I should. Second letter was the cheque which I took to the bank the next day. Enough for 2 month breathing period of making minimum payments out (though with food on credit card). I'm taking every victory wherever it comes from. Thanks karma!

None really spring to mind :/

Several similar ones all involve working with people who it turns out have a connection to other people I know.

I left a job and took a new one and shortly after I was hired my ex boss' wife was hired to work with me.

I shat myself, just as an Olly Murs song came on the radio..

At least two of my vivid dreams have coincided with actual events

I constantly have the "I was just going to text YOU" conversation

Couldn't possibly say, it's too much of a well known story everyone would know who it was writing it!

A boy I chatted up at a train station ended up taking the same four train journey as me to a university interview. We took the same course in our first year and would smile coyly at each other across the lecture theatre. Sadly it was never to be. *sniff*

Being at an event with an absolute dickwad also happening to be there. Although I'm sure that was probably their psychoticness rather than coincidence.

Quite a lot I guess. Most recent was my collared dove that comes to the garden called Woody that reminds me of my Uncle Jack. He's passed away now but said that we should think of him when we see a nice bird. Not sad thoughts. Then recently found out my gran and auntie have a bird they call Woody that goes to each of their gardens. And it reminds them of Jack.

When I was young, I found myself stranded in France without the money to get back home. In desperation, I approached a young English guy at the train station to borrow cash. I gave him my name and number so he could contact me to repay him. Hang on, he says, have you got a sister called K***? Turns out he was my sister's boyfriend's best mate

About three months after I met my husband he found my step-father's business card in his office. Turns out my step-father had met him about three years before I did. Weird.

Thinking to myself earlier that my music on shuffle playing on my phone hasn't played a certain artist since I changed the playlists. Just thought I had forgotten to add said artist. The next song it played was that artist. Freaked me the fuck out.

Dreaming about a friend I'd not seen for years, then finding out the next day that he'd died.

Sneezing & farting at the same time.

Being born on my mum's birthday.

thinking about someone and they call or text a moment later.

I was really pleased that at 20years of age I had never broken a bone, the next day my abusive boyfriend broke my finger and my thumb.. And I didn't even mention it to him.

Can't think of any ...

Flew to Hong Kong for a few days, then onto New Zealand for a few weeks. After driving for 12 hours to get to my destination, the following morning went to the supermarket to get some supplies. Bumped into one of my old mates in one of the aisles who'd moved over, 6 months before (with no real permanent address (he was all over the country)! Odds?

Ending up working in the same company with 3 people I knew as postgraduates. Company is small and we studied different disciplines.

I seem to say "that's SUCH a coincidence" an awful lot, and now, typically, I can't think of a single one.

Daughter being born 4 years to the day as nephew, with the same midwife!

I have had several dreams that have come true

flatmate who was an artist woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare and painted a picture of a plane in flames with the date and 'plane will crash soon'. he mentioned the nightmare at the time but not the subject or painting. a week later a passenger plane crashed 20 miles away and burst into flames. he freaked out, ran to his room and started leafing through a pile of art and pulled the picture out. spooky coincidence.

One day way back in the 20th century when I was at school I went round to my friend Andrew's house to watch a film and stayed for tea. Whilst serving the meal Andrew's mum slipped and spilt spaghetti bolognese on my uniform. She insisted I take it off so she could wash it and also that I wear her husband's dressing gown for the rest of the evening. No big deal, I thought, I'd never actually worn a kimono before and it felt nice and smooth. However, I was slightly unnerved when Andrew's Dad burst in on me getting changed to check I was ok byt he made a big thing of showing me how it was worn properly and saying how it auired me. The next day I told another friend, Graham, about our afternoon of videos and about the spillage. He told me that precisely the same thing had happened to him at Andrew's house last term, right down to his Dad practically falling through the door at exactly the moment of kimono-cladding.

There are a string of coincidences (if you want to call them that) surrounding my daughter including her birth date, her birth mark that's in the shape of a seven, her name, an ancient Mayan temple, far too much to go into detail. It's always fascinated me. I strongly believe though that some things aren't just coincidence but the hand of fate. Things happening for a reason. Scientists among you can now rip my answer to shreds if you like, I don't actually care.

Jokingly saying "Your mum" and she was right behind me...

Nothing springs to mind

I don't think this has ever happened to me.

Well, this one time, at band camp....

In my old job in East London, a colleague's wife was from my small home town. Her mum was my mum's best friend, and my mum had taught her at my old school in Hertfordshire.

Bumped into my 'stop wanking at work' counsellor whilst having a wank at work.

Befriending my favourite band's roadie and then finding out who he is.

None spring to mind. Good question though: I look forward to reading the answers. Although I will say that even the most coincidental coincidence is just that. Fate is bollocks.



Only just woken up so can't think of anything.

Coincidences aren't strange to me.

I'll have to think about this and come back later.

Just things like thinking of someone and they appear around the corner or call or text . Bit spooky

Work colleague's friend moved into my friend's old flat. This happened about a year before colleague and I had ever met, and we live in different counties./ Dated a guy at uni who was in halls. Next year, dated a different guy, who turned out to have exactly the same room. /There are other weird coincidences, but they may reveal my secret identity.

I think life is one massive coincidence and you learn a little from each new experience and encounter you make along the way.

None

I grew up in a small quaker community in east anglia and left when I was about 13. Years later I went to uni and found myself living next door to one of the girls from the community who'd left a few years before me.

Probs just the "small world" thing, of people knowing one another

Your mum

Girl I knew vaguely from my bank. Got married on same day. Had bought identical house in next street. Gave birth to a girl on same day a year apart. Then we both had boys within days of each other. Both moved from identical house at same time then bumped into her and she had identical car with almost same reg.

Nothing interesting enough to remember.

I read a tweet about banning alarms as my alarm went off. Best I can think of as I've only just woken up . Soz.

Bumping into people in random places around the world

Met a girl at Uni who had the same first name and birthday. We also passed our driving tests on the same day, took the same gcse's and got the same results. Very strange. We are now good friends.

I remember asking a girl I'd only met that night about her grandfather, I swear that she had talked about him but everyone else we were with assured me she hadn't said a word about him when we talked later. Turns out he'd just died & she was desperate for someone to talk to as she'd moved to the area to take care of him & she didn't really have any friends nearby.

Can't think of any

Seeing people all over the world, that come from the same small city I do

When I was around 18, I dreamed about a boy that I hadn't seen for years. About a week later, he was in the pub and asked me out. I was really shocked. Said no anyway.

.

I don't believe in coincidence

Nothing really 'out there' - just the usual thing of thinking about someone and then bumping into them or hearing from them.

Nothing coincidental has EVER happened to me. Ever.

Probably just someone phoning when i'm talking about them. More than likely theres loads of things, but i can't think of them right now

N/A

finding my old spongebob wank sock entwined with spongebob socks... on a wednesday!

I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge once with a random group of people. 6 months later back in the UK i bumped into one of them on Reading station. Turns out he lived a few miles away....

All the men I've dated named Simon have been Class 1 twats

Read in a book about a portrait of my ancestor having been painted many decades previously. Looked online to see if photo of it anywhere. That portrait was up for auction AT THAT MOMENT. Won auction. Have portrait.

I'm sure I've had some, but I can't think of any.

Something about carrots.

I had my iPod on shuffle and it played 5 or 6 Queen songs back to back, just as it finished playing the last one I saw Brian May.

When I met my long-lost identical twin brother at the same swingers party. My wife didn't realise it wasn't me! No, not really.

I moved 150 miles from my home town to live next door to someone I went to school with.

Really can't recall anything

my future sis in law was murdered, then I lived in the same house (3 flats/rooms) as a murderer

Left work a day early to go on holiday to New York. Bumped into a colleague who had done the same in the airport, then in the departure lounge, then on the plane, then in New York, several times. WAS TOP SECRET.

Finding out twitter friend & I live in suburbs with same name even though we are on opposite sides of the world.

I was trekking in Yosemite national park, up in the mountains, in November. 6,000 miles from home. I saw a lone hiker coming towards me. As he got closer I recognised it was a guy I used to sit next to at a place I'd worked 5 years prior. I very casually said "Hi Dave, how're you doing?". I'll never forget the look of absolute shock and confusion on his face. We had a chat then carried on on our respective paths.

Went to primary school with a boy, we both moved away with our families and went to different schools, ended up at the same high school for the last few years. Now we are getting married.

Married a girl from my class in primary school after not seeing her for about 30 years

I'm too boring for such things.

Living in Greece in 1992 I was told I'd be getting a new English neighbour, who turned out to be an old drinking buddy I hadn't heard from in a few years. We did more drinking.

I was thinking of my girlfriend and then she phoned me! Un-fucking-believable!! Almost blew my mind.

I met my husband when he met me. AMAZING!

Time.

It's not coincidence if it's magic.

Nothing strange or good really seems to happen in my life. All pretty boring unfortunately.

When I first got my ears pierced, a few weeks later, my dad buys me my first earrings. Little cute elephant ones. On the same day my mum bought me the exact same ones.

Can't think

Finding out in secondary school that a good friend was actually born in the same hospital as me, around 65 miles away!

Meeting someone I knew while on a school trip in New York. I was in a shop on Times Square and she was behind me in the queue, it was about 11 pm as well

Too many

Meeting a couple on holiday in Kenya and discovering they had met the woman who shared a desk with me at work on holiday in India the previous year

Sorry this isn't a coincidence, I just need to say this without fear he'll reject me.. I followed a person who I thought was wonderful and charming. Then I met him and he was all that and more. I don't think he feels the same way, but I've fallen for him.

Uffjg

Dreaming that my Dad would be posted to a particular place and finding out the next day that he had been posted there.

Not sure if this counts, but it's the only one I can think of. My grandmother died the day I got engaged and her sister, my great aunt, died the day of my engagement party. My grandmother was very ill, but her sister was healthy. I almost called off the wedding because I was afraid of others dying!

None that I can think of... Sorry

I guess the fact my girlfriend had a cat with the same name as the previous girl I'd slept with was quite odd. I've been racking my brains all morning and that's the best I can come up with!

Too many to pick one really. Life is confusing sometimes...

Can't think of one.

Advertised a spare room in our flat. Out of everyone who saw the ad, read the ad, and viewed the room, we found out on the day he signed the lease that the guy who took it was an old uni housemate of someone who was at the time living with my best mate.

This bloke at work has the same birthday as my pet bee Eric.

Met a friend in a small town in France, neither of us knew the other would be there. May have got drunk after.

Meeting the man I ended up marrying after being divorced from another even though our circle of friends were the same and the clubs we frequented. Fate.

When I met my husband he had a book that had my mums name written inside the front cover. A few years before my mum had loaned it to someone who never gave it back. It had been passed on to a few different folk - my husband being the last. ( no friends in common and we are from different sides of the city).,

Starting a new job and knowing most of the people already...

Going on holiday in Turkey and bumping into a guy from round the corner who was with his sister-in-law who turned out to be the sister of a girl I always got beaten by whenever I had to play against her in any table tennis tournaments I played in.

I bumped into a friend from school who I hadn't seen for years while crossing a road in Australia when I was backpacking.

None, i don't pay enough attention in life to notice

.

Been asked this question

Met my doctor on a canoeing trip in France. He was in my group. Random

Not a clue. Sorry.

I travelled from the UK to Australia, and moved into a backpacker house there. Two girls from the UK also moved in, and we asked them where they were from. Turns out one girl lived next door to my best friend and had grown up with him.

I'm Irish.I went missing for 9 years.Sat in a pub in Ipswich,that I never went to,in Ipswich.Struck up a conversation with a man who had never been to Ipswich.He was my first cousin.Met my family again a month later.

I was out for the day with my mum and an elderly friend, at least 100 miles from home. The elderly lady took ill, called an ambulance and the ambulance driver was the daughter of my mums best friend from primary school!

Meeting our lord Jesus in a McDonalds queue

Singing a song then it comes on the radio

I bumped into my cousin in Bangkok.

Nothing special.

I've had a problem with my inner ear and my Hearing since after a couple of malignant tumour when I was 2. For a while I was dating a religious guy who wanted me to go see a Christian healer. I don't believe in all that, but attempted to go just for him. My bus didn't turn up and I didn't make it in time to meet the healer. But My then fella had a hanky blessed for me and he rubbed it on my ear and said some prayers (I felt daft, but was kinda humouring him) About a month later I had a hospital check up on my ear and the Doctor was baffled that the scar tissue appeared to be healing and I was growing new skin where before there was none! Bear in mind I've had these problems for 21 years at that time with no change! Pretty big coincidence no?!

Can't think of one. Sorry dull

That's the second time I've been asked that today.

A friend from the Uk moving to Australia and becoming friends with a relative in Australia that they never knew in uk (not happened to me but all relative I guess)

Really looking forward to these answers. Mine is a tad lame. Bumping into someone who recognised me as he knew my brother in a bar in Spain.

Don't think I've had anything really odd happen. I'm not counting going half way across the world and meeting someone there I already knew (but wasn't expecting to be there).

Having a day play out exactly like a dream the night before.

Never really had one but my mam had a dream about a school friend she hadn't seen for 20 years or so and the next day bumped into them in the street

I was abused as a young man whilst playing for Glasgow Celtic boys club. Management at the time covered it up I will be seeking massive compensation and like penn state their titles stripped from them.

What a coincidence - I was just thinking this very thing...

I'm not sure if it counts as a coincidence, but I dreamt my friend text me to say goodbye, and thanks for the friendship, in the dream I was trying to run to him and I couldn't move. The next afternoon I got a phonecall to say he had died. I take a massive amount of comfort from the dream.

I followed someone on Twitter called jezmerelda by mistake because their name was one letter different to one of my sister's name. Later found out jezmerelda was a real life friend of one of my other sisters. Oh and another I had an online friend I met through a baby board. After chatting online for 3+ years I mentioned we'd had a powercut. She had too. Turned out we kived in the same village. We met up and 8 years on we're best buddies.

£42,000 plus bonus

Nothing specific but am constantly amazed by what a small world we live in.

I frequent a message board run by a friend who lives the other side of the country. About a dozen people are members of this board, from various locations around the world. The thing we have in common that led to us all being on there is the fact we're Green Day fans. I got talking to one of the other members (not the friend who ran it) and it turned out they were originally from the VERY small town I live in. But not only that, it turned out their parent used to be one of my school teachers and, even stranger, me and this person had actually met twice before in RL. Very strange. Years later I'm still amazed by it.

One day I was discussing Tammy Wynette's fine work with The KLF, the very next day her death was announced. I killed Tammy Wynette.

I married someone I met aged fifteen, lost touch with for twenty years and met by chance in a bar in Perth Australia.

I can't think of many strange ones but almost every time that I go to phone my best friend she will phone me at the exact same moment.

Sitting in the seat behind a girl I'd met once (and really fancied) on the train to London from Plymouth. I had no idea she even lived in the South West. That long train journey gave us a chance to get to know each other and we ended up together for about two years.

Umm...

A job came about through a friend of a friend that led to me relocating to my dream life

Met the man I love at a wedding, I went to school with him and hasn't seen him for 15 years, my friend was marrying his brother

I was on a scary boat trip in a storm, and looked up to see someone I'd been to college with 20 years previously.

Before me and my partner got together I walked passed him everyday for two years on the commute into work.

There's been loads, too many that I can't think of one.

Can't think of one

Dunno

Bumping into a friend on a beach in Bournemouth when neither of us knew the other was going on holiday there.

I can't remember.

Having a nightmare & it came true!

Can't think of any

Generally meeting random people in various parts of the world with mutual friends. Can't think of a stand out act right now.

Just been on holiday and a found out a friend has had a place there for 25 years.

Well I have a recurring one... Every time I come back from a visit to a theme park, within 48hrs, something bad happens at that theme park. I'm not even superstitious.

I slept with a guy who turned out to be a good friend of my ex's best friend (and knew my ex. Who was still heartbroken after a year). Oops.

I honestly can't think of any. I'm not sure anything is simply coincidental. Things happen for reasons.

Ummm.... I can't think of one.... Your mum?

Only yesterday, whilst visiting the Scottish Football exhibition at Kelvingrove museum, watching video footage of the mighty John Greig captaining Rangers to European Cup Winners Cup success. 30 seconds later, taking my youngest to the toilet I left the exhibition and literally bumped into the great man himself.

was in a group that split up to go to different restaurants -- wound up sitting at the next table in a restaurant 10 miles away, that neither group had planned to go to when we split up

Walking in a backstreet of Athens way off the tourist track and meeting 3 close friends coming the other way.

Walking in a backstreet of Athens way off the tourist track and meeting 3 close friends coming the other way.

I'd just typed out this long and winding story then accidentally deleted it. Can't be arsed again, sorry

There was a girl who was invited to my wedding but couldn't come. Two weeks later, I was in Cairns in Australia and I walked past the very girl in the street. I had to double back on myself to walk past her again to double check it washer because I was so amazed. It was her, we chatted for about half an hour. She had just arrived in Cairns, we were leaving that afternoon and so there was only a few hours that we could even have met.

I've met 4 people randomly who all know the same one if my friends. I think she's having me followed.

Urmmmmm - nothing.

sorry, too numerous to recall.

THESE HAPPEN ALL THE TIME TO ME

THESE HAPPEN ALL THE TIME TO ME

When I was 16, I dated a lad who it turned out lived in a house that my godmother's parents lived in when she was a child.

But I don't have any coins?

I really really cannot think of one.

Pass.

Meh, I'm really struggling to think of anything. There's been the usual bumping in to people in far flung places etc, but I can't think of anything specific.

No coincidences

Bumping Into an old school friend in America

I only have 8 mins until the end of the survey so too little time to think. Arghhh the pressure.

A follower, who is now a good friend, lives in the same town as me. Recently discovered I have a picture of her uncle, that I found in a desk drawer of a business property my dad was buying 23 years ago

My wife was the first baby born in the local hospital. That i was in at the same time for falling off the climbing frame at school.

I thought this question was going to be shit and coincidentally I was right.

I got told to be wary of my friends mum, the next week her mum was caught eavesdropping on our conversation...

In a crowd of 250,000 where if I could have easily lost my mates, I bumped into the cunt from University I never wanted to ever see again. Twice.

Wmbo

First house I lived in after getting married was on the street where my grandma (whom I never met) was born.

Results - 05/08/2013

1. Have you ever seen a dead body?

Yes 63.2%
No 36.8%


2. Do you think you might suffer from a mental illness?

Yes, in fact I have been diagnosed with a mental illness 27.8%
Yes 30.9%
No 41.2%


3. Do you think people who are unemployed for more than 6 months are lazy?

Yes 11.5%
No 17.7%
It depends on their situation 70.9%


4. What's most important in a partners looks?

An attractive face 88.9%
A great body 11.1%



5. What's the worst date you've ever been on?

Girl round my house and we caught Hillsborough tragedy unfold on telly.

I've not had a bad date as such, just really bad sex!

I didn't answer question 4 as I don't judge people by their looks. I've never had a bad date.

I haven't properly dated much. Always more fallen into relationships. But I'm getting married next year so it all worked out ok.

I've never been on a date

Driving round with a guy in his car. His mate was sat in the back. Lasted 30mins before his mate actually figured out that it was a date and asked to be dropped off.

The only internet date I ever tried. He was wall-eyed, at least 10 years older than he professed and as boring as fuck. I made my excuses and left

I haven't ever been on a 'date' *sobs*. I've been married 12 years and didn't even go on a date with my husband when first met him. We met in the pub and got to know each other through our group of friends and basically got together that way ( after being bullied into 'going out' together)........

Either the one last night, where the guy didn't make eye contact or the one with the Tory guy who was telling how he has been to anger management classes and was really intense. He actually scared me a bit.

Never been on a date.

Don't think I've had one. Which probably means that all the women I've been on a date with have had a terrible time! Each and EVERY one of them!

Probably once with an ex where she never showed.

I've only been on one bad date. When I was in high school, my mom fixed me up with the blind date so I'd date "someone Jewish". He turned out to be involved in some weird moneymaking scheme/cult which he talked about the whole time. He also talked about how fat I was and how I should lose weight.

I've never been on a date.

I've never been on a bad date. I'm pretty lucky.

Any with the ex husband

I've only been on about 3 dates and none of them were that bad, so I can't really say anything

never been on a date

This one.

The one where the guy asked what my BMI was over dinner - oddly enough that didn't tempt me to order dessert

I am in no way transphobic, but I would describe discovering in the bedroom that he was a pre-op trans-sexual as the WORST DATE EXPERIENCE I've had.

None

Crazy girl who constantly looped Richard Marx on her car stereo...

the poor kid asked me out and was a million times more nervous than I was. it was an awkward mess

The only date I've been on with somebody from a dating site.

5th of Sept. 2001.And I'm not going to talk about it.....again.

It was such a bad idea - I caved in to peer pressure to go out with him - that I bailed after 15 mins. Bless him but he was not for me.

Bad teeth, cheap trainers. Awful.

He wore a massive knitted jumper.

All the ones where I'm stood up

Not really been on any.

All of them

First date. He threatened to tread on a midget who was entertaining the queue we were in for the cinema in Leicester Square. So I killed him. (Not the midget). First bit is true.

One that ended up in the guy puking all over my back while we were having sex.

One where the bloke kept nipping off because he had "screaming diarrhoea".

I've not really done dating.

English men don't date

A blind date via Match.com when she said she was a painter/decorator I figured interior designer, I was wrong up to the bar marched a blond version of me, who ordered her shorts by the double and announced she loved the word "cunt" it was in fact her favourite. She then proceeded to ask me if I dared join her for a spliff as she was feeling rebellious. At this point I excused myself to the bathroom, did a massive line of coke and fucked her off in a cab home, there was no second date.

It wasn't the place it was the person. And I'll leave it at he was an utter PRICK.

I've never been on a bad date, had some awful prunes though.

Erm the one with the horrific revelation within 45mins! I know it was within 45mins coz my friend txt me at that point 'good time?' 'No!' (Horrific - not even funny ...)

a 2nd date, where I told the lady there wouldn't be a 3rd. She abandoned her dinner, pausing only to leave £20 on the table, then texted the word CUNT to me about 50 times over next 2 days

The guy who told me about his Church of Cowboys. Not a religion as such, just the worship of all things cowboy. Fucking nutter! Or, maybe the time I arranged to meet a guy in a pub and he came straight from milking the cows. Covered in shit and wearing willies.

I once went out with a man who accidentally sat in some chocolate mousse in the cafe we were in (genuinely). Had to walk round town with him after and it looked like he'd shit himself.

On a blind date but he hardly spoke all nite so made my excuses and ran! Also wasn't my type.

A girl who looked like the Milky Bar kid tried to take me to a pretend kfc. She got none of my loving.

Uhm....it's been a while.

Schuster 1988, in a small village in Co. Durham with only one bus out every 2 hours. Blind date. His eyes were where a normal person's hairline is. His opening gambit was "how pet, ah've pebble dashed me ceiling, y'knaa". He meant with spunk. I declined to catch his next emission in any of my orifices. Longest wait at a bus stop of my life.

Decided to play 'I Have Never' Me: "I have never been arrested" Him: "I have, 6 times actually, twice for attempted murder" (This story got me in a book haha)

Being stood up.

One of my first dates with my husband - he took me to Dover. It was freezing. And he was wearing these horrible white jeans, which I resented right up until a seagull shat on them and destroyed them forever. He spent the rest of the date and the bus ride back with a massive shit stain on his pristine white jeans. It was hilarious.

Not including physical assaults, I'd have to say a date with someone I met via online personals (this was before Match.com, etc) who lied about everything. Like I wouldn't notice he was 5'8" instead of 6'2", or that he didn't have an athletic build (unless the sport is pool/billiards). He kept lying all evening, too.

Agreed to meet her in a pub. When I got there, she'd brought about seven of her mates. One of them (a larger lady) threatened to hurt me if I ever wronged her friend. It didn't last beyond that one date.

First date - got taken to a local dogging area (I knew nothing about) to see if I fancied giving it a go. I didn't. There was no one there either thankfully. Oh and I never saw him again after that and he was actually surprised by the dumping.

In Liverpool when I lived there. I thought it would either be a good date or a good story; it was a good story which ended with me shouting 'get out of my car'. He had our life together planned out before the third drink. What a dick. I wonder who he ended up with?

Had lunch with a guy. During the meal he suggested we 'go back to mine'. I got up, paid the bill and left (after calling him a few choice names). That was over two years ago, I've not been on a proper date since.

No dating dissasters, haven't been on many dates- preferred no strings sex til I met my hubby!

A blind date. I was 19 & when I turned up the bloke was 45!

None have been that bad although the one who would only buy me a half rather than a pint, because " girls don't drink pints " didn't get off to the best start.

Dickhead took me to BHS restaurant before watching a film and proceeded to txt all the way through the film. Dropped me off and asked "do I get the prize kiddo?"

Too many to mention. One that stands out is leaving the girl at the bar while I went for a shit. 10 minutes later, I show her the video if what I just did. She went to the toilet. Didn't come back. Not really, of course she did, loves the fucking scat.

I've never been on one

All of the dates I went on have rocked.

...Never had a date or a sex life, I was born shy and it has ruined my 47 years of life. Totally wasted life with no love. Still must not grumble.

Took the piss out of her fathers profession without realising what he did

I've never been on an actual date. I just blunder from one relationship based on sex to another.

Bonfire night in Wythenshawe Manchester - enough said

Crusty fins

The one which led to me getting married & writing off ten sodding years...

A guy who I just had NOTHING in common with. It was uncanny. In spite if having similar backgrounds and academic paths and lots of interests each, we did not seem to have any kind of shared interest or experience. Sometimes that kind of thing leads to fantastic conversations. This time it lead to a lot of awkward silence.

I don't date. Ever. I only go for casual drinks, no pressure.

Excited at the thought my new love prospect, I drove over to collect her. It was a drizzly autumn evening, traffic was slow and I was running a shade late. As I was about to turn into her street a car shot out from the road opposite hers, smashing into me so forcefully it shunted me into her street and into her father in his car as he was waiting to pull away. Utter carnage. My Orion Ghia was totalled. Her dad had a nasty whiplash injury as well as a battered BMW. She was the most gorgeous creature but it never got off the ground because all she was interested in was a bloke with a car. Do I win?

I was 16 and an older guy from work (who was mind blowingly handsome) took me out, then instead of driving me home he took me to a wooded area in the middle of nowhere and proceeded to force himself upon me. I was afraid of making a fuss at first and kept trying to persuade him to take me home or at least let me leave. He persisted and I became very upset. Afterwards I had to face him at work every day and he acted as though nothing had happened and even had the cheek to try to flirt with me. I was really afraid of him, but too naive and insecure to do anything about it. I have never actually told anyone this. Now I am older and wiser, it's hard to believe I let it pass. If I ever see him again I'll serve him his balls on a platter.

My very first one. I was 15/16 and he dragged me to a cinema to see 13th Warrior and gave me my first kisses. Awful. Like licking sodden cardboard. After the cinema we went round the shops and he bought that dancey song, The Launch on CD single.

I went on a blind date with a guy who was late and the. Did nothing but talk about cars the entire time, even throughout the movie we were seeing. To get back at him, I made him look at album upon album of photos I had taken.

Met up with a girl... Didn't do anything except go for a walk which was all fine... Except the whole time she just talked about her friends that had been shot because of drugs/no reason/bad neighbourhood. Walked past a club where she used to work... All happy and friendly to everyone's face and then talked shut about them 10steps later. Probably the most apathetic person I have ever spoken to... About everything

I dated a girl who wanted me to meet her dad. So I went along to his place with her. It turned out he lived on a caravan park. When we got there she said she had a surprise for me. ... Her dad was into knitting and he'd knitted me the most horrendous jumper you could imagine. As I'd never even met her dad before she'd guessed at my size - it was more suited to a pot bellied dwarf with massively long arms. But being the ridiculously polite and well intentioned gent I am I actually wore the fucking thing for the duration of the visit. For added colour her dad had a withered arm, hence was so shit at knitting. Stuff of nightmares really. The whole sorry episode was one big mind fuck. Still makes me cringe to my core thinking about it. *Shudders*. I might actually blog this now I've recalled it. Then you'll know who I am!

I've never really been on a proper date. I did go out with a guy once who took me to see X-Men and then bought me drinks after so it wasn't a bad date but as its my only one then I suppose it's the best and the worst!

A Match.com date - when she turned up she looked nothing like her picture and was pig ugly. Within 5 minutes she let me know she supported Millwall, wasn't keen on black people, and voted Tory. I tried to ditch her after 1 drink, but she made it pretty clear she was expecting dinner. It was over an hour before I could make my excuses and leave.

The one when I COULD get all 5 fingers in easily.

I've never done 'dating'

Oh god i can't describe how awful it was, but reader i married her.

Jim Torbett and Frank Crainey after training with Celtic boys club, Celtic FC covered up years of child abuse. Glasgow Celtic Scotland's shame.

I've never had a bad date

Met someone while drunk, swapped numbers and then arranged to meet. He looked nothing like I remembered (cheers gin goggles) and he was really quite a bit younger than me. During a horrendously awkward amble around th model village he talked about his boss being old because she was over 30. I wanted to shake him and shout HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?!?! But I was too scared to find out his age, so I ran away. Maturity.

I have never been out on anything I would class as a worst date.

to the cinema in my ford capri. she was a proper dog...........................................................................................................

Putney, 1985. Realising I did not fancy the guy as much as I had the last (drunken) time I had seen him. Went to see Back to the Future. Had to pretend I'd not already seen it with another guy.

I really haven't had any bad dates. I haven't had many - I'm a serial monogamist.

I don't think I've ever been on a bad date, I like to think I'm pretty good at weeding out the fuckwits and loonies before it gets to the stage of agreeing to go on a date.

Dont think i've ever been on a bad date

Lovely man, but not over his cancer treatment or his divorce. His kids lived abroad with his ex wife. I held his hand in the pub as he cried and showed me photos of his kids. I realise I'm lucky that this is my worst- I haven't been on that many dates. Late starter.

Can't remember any

Blind date from dating website. She was about four feet tall when she got off the barstool, couldn't hide my shock. Nothing in common, awkward conversation, then she tried to get me into a fight with a stranger. Classy night. Maybe should have tried harder so I could tick the Jimmy Krankie box.

I was walking along the beach with a date and she tripped face first into a rock pool. She was not impressed at being drenched! I laughed, we never had a second date.

Guy had "been there, done that" and just constantly talked about himself. I didn't even fancy the guy, was kind of coerced into the date. He thought it went well but never saw him again thankfully

A French teacher that I met online, her accent made her sounds like officer Crabtree from Allo Allo

Guy who liked carnivals. Boring and weird. In the end I went to the loo and escaped the evening by leaving the pub via the back door. Result.

Easily the 6 foot South African who decided to wear FMBs so was towering over me (I'm 6ft 2). She had body odour, "7 piercings below the waist" (her exact words) and a terrible attitude. I still went back for a second date, had uncomfortable sex (no not like that) thought I'd caught an STI off her so packed things in. I don't think she was up to date on feminine hygiene...

Not been on any terrible dates, just one or two where there was no spark.

He took me to a Wetherspoon pub and was excited about the food. He was way too grabby. He was way too angry. He had small man syndrome. When I said he wasn't interested, he sent a couple of quite abusive texts. I met someone brilliant the next day :-)

First date - he got so drunk he puked on my lounge floor. I cleaned it up. Fast forward 12 years - we are married and he is tea total lol.

I got set up on a blind date with a guy. He's recently split from someone. We went for drinks, then dinner, we got on well and had a lovely evening. When I was a work two days later, my friend who had set us up came to see me. The day after our date the guy had gone round to see his ex-girlfriend. She'd had a new boyfriend for the past month, he couldn't handle this. He said that if he couldn't have her, then no one else could. He then stabbed her to death in front of her mother and sister, and clung to the body until the police arrived. True story.

Have been with my man all of my 'dating life' (18 years), so not had a bad date.

It wasn't a date but I met this guy at a party. We decided to leave and go for a little walk and ended up kissing each others faces off in a nearby park (classy). I was very drunk and almost threw up in his face as we were kissing. I wonder why he never called?

Either the one where the guy stared at me for ages before saying "Ooo you look like Katy Perry don't you!" and then referred to going to the toilet as "going to drain the vein". OR the guy who said he didn't smoke and then went out for a cig every half hour.

All been great

being taken to pizza hut-how romantic! i said i loved italian...this was not what i meant-needless to say he never made it through the door. bon voyage motherfucker!

Never really had a terrible one, guess I'm lucky!!

A woman who hunted me down like I was her prey (this was most unusual for me) and who then proceeded to treat sex as an extension of her gym workouts. Sounds like every blokes fantasy but I was whimpering for mercy!

The one where she had hair like chewbacca in her nether regions & I couldn't cum no matter how hard I tried.

It was to a pub but he was awful and drunk

Not really had a bad date

My wife and I have had plenty which culminated in brooding resentment and a sense of impending divorce. Hasn't happened yet though.

All been fairly dull. Never had many.

7 hour blind date in which he only talked about cricket & his ex wife.

Never had a bad date tbh.

A date at the cinema to see Fifth Element.

A blind date to the cinema years ago...she looked like a squirrel!

Never really went on dates as such. But once met up with a chap who I'd chatted to online who turned out to be obsessed with outdoor activities (not the sexual kind) & bored me to death by asking whether I'd go camping, cycling etc. He seemed to be under the misconception that I'd need to 'tick' all HIS boxes if we were to meet up again. It was allll about him. Very, very boring.

July 24th 1993

only been on one date, and until she got her MH issues, it was going very well.

Not many dates to choose from, but bloke I spoke to through work, we'd chat on the phone for ages (like Gavin & Stacey the early years), we went on a date and had nothing to say all night. I was home by 10.30. Back on the phone on Monday like normal. Meh.

Waiting 2 hours for a curry at a restaurant, then walking out when it turned up as hubby was too annoyed to eat it (even though I was famished!)

I went for a pizza and the guy offered to pay if I took him home and performed sex acts on him all night. I told him that I was worth more than a spinach supreme and walked home laughing.

Your Mum

Want out with a guy called Mat once. One t. Mat. What a wanker.

Waitress kept bringing out the wrong food. Repeatedly brought plates of sausages to the table. Date somehow thought it was my fault.

Spent an evening with a bloke who droned on and on about how much he hated drug dealers and was compiling dossiers on them. He promptly disappeared off the scene. In prison for drug dealing. And he was crap at snogging.

Went out and got drunk with a boy, and ended up making out in a park, like full-on "shit he's going to tear my dress off" making out. That wasn't the worst date. That came a couple of days later. We went for a drink, and he told me that he couldn't go out with me because he was desperately in love with a girl who reminded him of his dead mother. Spent the rest of the afternoon making polite small talk and wanting to jump off the pub balcony.

Someone who lied about their profile. Also spent more time looking at the bar staff than me.

When I met up with a lad id pulled in a nightclub - he was so fit so I was really looking forward to it... When I got there it was some completely random fugly , who had NOTHING to say ... I tried talking (out of politeness more than anything else) but he had nothing to say. In those days I would organise my mum to ring half an hour into date as an 'escape' plan ... Never have I been so fucking relieved to speak to my mum.... HIDEOUS !!!

Picnic on around about in the middle of a motorway junction.

I've only been on two. One ended in a long term relationship and the other in sex so I think I'm doing pretty well.

All good

I've never been on a date - my few partners (including my now husband) all came from existing friendship groups, so we already spent time together in a non-date format

Question 4 is irrelevant. Worst date was probably with a lass who laughed like Janice from friends. All. Evening. Unfortunately, I was too polite to run away

I've never been on a date. *weeps* I actually dread the thought of formal dating. Sitting in a restaurant/bar/pub having to talk about yourself whilst eating/drinking? Sounds ghastly. Would much rather skip to the bit where we're comfortable with one another.

I've never been on a bad date. I am an excellent date and I choose the women I date very carefully. It's not rocket science. Women, if a bloke looks like a moronic, thuggish, illiterate twat, then guess what? That's what he'll turn out to be. Stop dating neanderthals or so-called 'angry men', because you think 'bad boys' are more fun or that you can somehow change them. The men that are best in the sack are the ones that have the brains to be able to communicate with you, know how a womans body works, and aren't 'offended' if you suggest they need to try something else. Basically, stop dating twats and you'll find love and life a lot more fulfilling and happy.

I've never been on a date

Walk on a jetty (only to be dumped at the end).

No terrible ones!

Once took a slurry girl out who spent most of the night flirting with other men, in the end I left her to it and went home.

Went on a date with a BBC sports presenter who thought he was 'the shit'. Turns out he was 'a cock'.

We were in a pub,the guy was so boring.i lied and said i was going to the loo but i left and walked home

I can't think of one but I know I've been on some bad ones

Went to the cinema to see Se7en. I hadn't booked, it was heaving, we had to sit apart. The film was terrifying and.made me angry. It rained.

14 February 2010

My manager. I didn't think it was an actual 'date', just a pint after work. His wife disagreed. Both were a pair of cunts anyway. #WHSMITH

One at uni where the guy didn't realise we were on a date. I asked him to go for coffee and when we were there I realised he hadn't cottoned on that it was actually a date. I'm pretty sure he liked me but he lacked self confidence so he assumed we were there for a different reason. I was too embarrassed to put him straight. I would now.

A blind one and the bloke was hideous and thought all his xmas's came at once and took me to a social club to parade me in front of all his mate's who all must have thought I was a complete weirdo for being on a date with such a munter. (both looks and personalty) I never saw him again

I did Internet dating. Too many to list.

First date via Internet dating, 25 minutes in he asks if he can smell my hair, I laughed it off. He then asked the same question every 5 minutes or so till I left.

Blind date set up by a mate, turned out to be an ex and he didn't realise.

Can't think of one

Where the guy turned up, looked nothing like his picture (Internet dating( he looked minging)). He picked the restaurant, which wasn't the cheapest of places, proceeded to order several drinks, a starter, main and a dessert, I only ordered one soft drink and one cheaper priced main. He talked about a load of bollocks, showed no interest in getting to know me. Then when I came to paying he didn't even bring enough to cover his half of the meal, then when I left a tip he took it off the table as his "change" and proceeded to the shop to buy himself some beers! To top it off he thought it went well and tried to talk to me again and arrange another date! Ha, looking back it makes me laugh

Called me "babes" repeatedly from the get go, babes. Made holiday plans for us 5 mins into the date babes and declared "you're my perfect woman babes". *ran* turns out he is a weirdo, he smelt my friends hair once at an event.

I've never been on a date. Would someone like to take me on a date? I'm not a munter or owt?

I met my date at the station and he immediately held my hand. He kept doing it when crossing the road, which was weird and I got increasingly irritated with him. He neglected to tell me he was actually legally blind and needed help crossing the street. He then told me that I wasn't as fat as he thought I'd be.

Went out with a guy, very chatty and funny online. The date was a disaster though. Be lucky if he said 3 words. I had to do all the talking. I had lunch, he didn't. That didn't feel awkward at all. I bought all the drinks, he never even offered. Needless to say it wasn't repeated. Think it was the first date he had been on. He was 28 :s Couldn't answer Q4, cos looks are not important to me at all. Personality all the way

Sat in a car on the side of the road in Hartlepool. There wasn't even any making out.

One where I was stood up!

Nothing horrendous. Maybe the one where his PE teacher at our college Dad drove us to watch Mars Attacks (that ages me!) and now he's gay. Actually after my first date with my now husband I decided I wasn't going to see him again.

A first blind date with an ex many years ago - after a great time we went to go home only to find his car had been stolen so ended up in a police station miles from home in the early hours trying to get it sorted and trying to get someone to pick us up and take us home!

answer to Q4 personality. Sat on a bench, kissed the guy, realised I didn't fancy him walked round a corner 4 a fag & ran home lol

One I avoided when the opening line of the phone call asking me out was 'So...have you been to any bonfires lately'.

April 17th 1987

I had food poisoning one day and thought I'd gotten over it in time for the first proper date with a guy I'd been seeing for a while. Turns out I hadn't gotten over it and I had to leave the dinner table 3 times to throw up. Not great.

The follow up to a rather hideous but very pissed up date with someone from an online dating site (all a bit too soon after splitting up from my ex) he suggested he pick me up and we go back to his the day after aforementioned drunken hideous date. For some ridiculous reason I said yes, even though I knew he basically just wanted a shag. In my sober sate he was even less attractive than my initial impression had suggested, and I was in no way attracted to him. When we got to his it was hideously awkward, he was only interested in one thing, I felt like I could not say no so we had awful sex, I cried throughout, then got him to drop me miles from home as couldn't stand to be near him in the car any longer.

What's a date?

I've never knowingly been on a date. I'm slightly awkward in social situations.

The one where you break up. It's happened twice.

One where we went to blackpool then he tried to make me pay for the room because i wouldnt put out, and slept with all my clothes on

I've never been on one really. I've been out places with boyfriends but not like proper dates where you dress up and are nervous.

Oh I told twitter the other day. With the coke dude. What a wanker he turned out to be!

All first dates. They're shit and awkward.

When I was 16 the lad projectile vomited 20/20 blue from his nose and still expected me to kiss him. *throat punch*

A wetherspoons on a Monday night. I was home by 8.30.

The one where I got a nosh up Black Rock in Matlock. No wait, that one was fucking brilliant.

Went to a gig, she was boring, band was shit, about halfway through I 'went to the bar' and got the next train home.

Got loudly called a 'pathetic fucking wimp' in a not inexpensive and rather quiet restaurant, and she pissed off, leaving me to pay in extreme embarrassment. I crawled under a big black rock for the next 3 years after that

I'm not much of a dater.

Dropped off by his mum, looked like she'd dressed him too! Not impressed I drank pints! Pretended daughter was ill so I could leave. That's just the tip of the iceburg, glad I'm away from it all now!

Dated a really boring police lady... She constantly talked about 'operations' including talking loudly about a road traffic accident where they couldn't find a persons limb (to the disgust of the elderly couple eating behind us) date ended with her crying when I asked where her dad was & she replied "DEAD".

Tequila and a night bus...

November 5, 1955! That was the day I invented time-travel

It would have to be the one where a girl was sick in my mouth

Oh god there are loads. The worst was prob a man I met on a night out, he wrote his number on my arm. I woke up the next day and was like 'oh what's this?' And called it, arranged to meet him. Met him but he had something wrong with his leg and was dragging it behind him. Very boring and was a lorry driver. As I got the bus home I stood by the driver and the date said 'so when can I see you again?' I looked at the driver, nodded to him , looked at the date and said 'never!' The driver then shut the door and drive off.

Not really been on any proper dates as such. That's a bit sad

The one when I kissed an ex-girlfriend then kissed the current girlfriend (now my wife) then puked up in front of her, all within thirty seconds.

A date with a girl who got less good looking the more I drank.

14 years old. Crappy Chinese meal. Boring chat

A double date when I was 16 that I didn't realise was a date and was with a boy I didn't fancy. Went out with him for 2years.

Ive never been on an actual date.

I've not been on a large number of dates really, but the worst night out I've had was with an ex. I'd booked a surprise meal for us at a local restaurant. When we got there, he asked the waiter if we could sit in a low lit corner. When we sat down, I said to him that it was a sweet thing to do. He said it was because he didn't want anyone to see he was with me. Evening didn't improve and he called me a cunt when we left

August 15th

Hmmm not sure if this story counts. 5th wedding anniversary. We booked posh hotel in London, plan was cocktails, dinner, more drinks...we checked in, a few cocktails, up to the room to bathe and change, when we got a call from the eldest step daughter... My old cat hadn't been herself for a while and was at the end. I actually had her booked in the following week to do the hardest thing any animal owner has do do...but now she was bleeding out at home. We packed so quickly and got home, had last cuddles with her and had to take her to an emergency vets to be put to sleep (she was 17yrs). So our anniversary ended up with me heartbroken, my husband £550 lighter and he didn't even get sex!!

After a nice night I took a girl back to my place and was so drunk I fell asleep sitting next to her. I woke the next morning in the same place and so was she. She was already awake so I don't know if she slept or not. I was so embarrassed I didn't talk to her about it. Said our goodbyes and I never saw her again.

Does anyone actually read all the way down here?

went to the cinema to see "three men and a little lady". i should've known at that point to run like fuck, but i stuck around for 18 months while she tried desperately to make me as twee as she was

Never had a bad one

The ones where I was stood up.

Date went to toilet. Was in there for 45 minutes. Was talking to a friend. I left.

Couldn't pick just one.

I paid, he dumped me then commented that 'you do have nice symmetrical breasts'. Bloody freak.

After a long evening of drinking, ended up in a wanky jazz club. He turned into a total arse so I upped & left. People on the door pleaded with me to take him with me. Seems he was a regular and often kicked off. Lucky escape!

Standard one with awkward conversation and a call to her phone to get home

I will not kiss and tell for your titillation. I'm far too much of a gentleman. *smug face*

One where I was incredibly drunk.

She brought her ex along.

I had a date with a October I quite fancied. Drank far too much red wine. Vomited up the expensive dinner he insisted on paying for then passed out in his bed. Felt a little embarrassed next morning. Never dated him again

So so so many to choose from. But the dinner date where my date announced that he was a pigeon racer and kept 60 pigeons in a loft in his garden. He also proceeded to show me pictures on his phone of his favourite birds, cups that he'd won and pictures of his bred birds hatching. Dreadful. I had a mental image of all these pigeons lined up on the bedroom window peering in as we had sex *shudders*

I haven't been on that many dates to even have a bad one. (Makes me sound lonely but I'm happy with my man )

i've only had one bad date, with a girl who had never been in a town before... awful.

No conversation, not really into it, I got drunk and then stayed with him for 5 years!



After the date we were having sex and she shat down my balls.

She smelled of cats and kissed like a fish. That's really all you need to know.

I was invited to watch the guy's band play, but once I got there I found out it had been cancelled and I kept getting hit on by raggedy old men. He didn't turn up, but he called the next day and asked if I wanted to go to the next gig. I declined.

Probably the one where she turned up half an hour late then told me she didn't want to see me anymore.

Actually don't think I've had a bad date?

I don't recall much of the other details, but as he was driving me home, he stopped to pee behind a dumpster around the back of a grocery store. He then said it showed how comfortable he was with me.

Never really done much dating...

I once had a blind date with a girl called Giraffe (she was 6'5"). Some bastard spiked my first drink with an acid tab, so the conversation was mainly about how plaice are evil and plotting to take over the world. Followed by weeping (me) and a request for a second date (her). Then I was sick.

Not really a date, but the one my boyfriend forgot about

A guy who I'm pretty sure was gay, he just maybe hadn't realised it yet. His shoes matched his jacket and he was a camp drama teacher. The date lasted only 40mins cos I made up some excuse to leave. No point wasting time. What was really weird, for years after, I kept getting credit card bills in his name in the post at my address. But I hadn't told him where I lived, so I can't help but suspect he was a dodgy con man and I had a lucky escape!

We had a nice dinner, and he came back to mine for a coffee. It turned out he actually hated coffee and was just drinking it to impress me, as five minutes later he proceeded to throw up in the bathroom. Twice. Apparently the taste of coffee was that repulsive to him...

Haven't been on a bad one.

First date, he started texting "where are you?" 10 minutes before we were due to meet. We argued about everything we discussed. He complained about his coffee cup being too big. Ordered expensive foreign beer when it was my round (I was on cola). Didn't walk me back to my car, but OT into his asking when wed'd meet again. "You didn't honestly think this went well did you?" from me "Yes of course, why?"

Not get any horror stories here I'm afraid.

I once met a guy & he vomited on my shoes then tried to kiss me.

Drinks in a run down hotel with someone I had nothing in common with.

Have only been on one proper date - which was OK I guess. Current OH I met at work, got to know a bit, invited over to mine and we were shagging about 10 mins later... That I took as a good sign, but I can't really call that a date or a bad experience!

I have never been on a date.

Honestly, I don't think I've had a bad one. Lucky old me

When I was 13 we met up at the local churchyard, I was terrified as it was dark and ran home!

Bowling. Arranged by a girl 8 years my junior (31/23). Who was ridiculously keen, a terrible kisser but wanted to repeatedly make out anywhere + everywhere, no matter how inappropriate and then asked if I thought a first date was too soon to sleep together. Needless to say - not that kind of boy. I ran for it

The guy got really drunk and started telling me about his ex girlfriend and how they split up when she had an abortion, he didn't want her to have it, yada yada yada. That was an 'I'm just going to the loo' moment and then legging it.

Ummm, I have been married so long I don't remember dating. And re: Q4 - a partner's MIND is WAY more important than looks, so much so I almost couldn't answer it.

Not a bad date ever the worst date himself being a complete chain smoker who was minted, but stank!

I met a girl who worked in The Bodyshop and went out on one date with her, It was fucking awful. She stunk, and not in a good way either. The myriad Bodyshop lotions she had doused herself in masked most of the sweaty body odour coming from her, but every now and again I got a really strong whiff of it. It was weird because she wasn't overweight at all. Shame because she was quite pretty. I didn't see her again, I made up an excuse that I had met someone else.

Been on a few where the girl has hardly said a word. They were uncomfortable. Nothing too tragic though.

Guy threw up on me.

Not so much a date, but a succession of dates with a girl I met online many years. She went from being 19 - 2 years younger than me - on our first date to 17 then to actually admitting to being 15 on our third. Uncomfortable.

A girl who I asked lots of questions about her, but she did not reciprocate and ask me anything about me. And she was really dull.

the one where i had to kiss someone who couldn't kiss ...

Never had a bad date. Just bad women.

I've only had one date :-\

Never been on a date

The one that involved the Swarfega and penguins.

The woman who constantly farted and they were really smelly

With a girl I met online who turned out to be loud, obnoxious and slightly racist. I almost didn't let her give me blowjob before I dropped her off.

I've never had a truly awful one but years ago I went on a few dates with a guy I didn't like much. The night before the next planned date I spent the night with a guy I'd fancied for ages and next day we went into town together. I just stood up the other guy and whilst walking round HMV hand I'm hand with new guy we met the guy I'd stood up's best mate.

I don't do dates. I fucking hate people.

The on that led to being married

Feel asleep and woke up ten minutes before we were due to meet early evening. Chucked on some clothes and had to sprint half a mile to get there. Was late, arrived hot and sweating and very out of breath. She politely finished one drink and left as I probably looked like some kind of addict.

Never been on a date (stuffs face with Ben & Jerry's)

Got fingered

Don't really do dates. I went to a bar with a girl once, having only spoken on the phone (we both worked in a call centre). She was booked to sing. She had a good voice. Then we said bye and I went home. That's as bad as it's ever been. I don't do dates.

A double date with a new, extremely loved up couple when my then partner and I were on the cusp of breaking up. Very awkward

Jurassic Park in the cinema

Not really been on a worst date

The date where I had to cut it short to be at the scene of a fatality when someone jumped from a railway bridge and I had to be the person to tell the driver that we had to remove him from duties because it was the third jumper he had experienced. Not his fault, but his life screwed up in an instant. Oh, and seeing what I thought was a rock an realising it was a hand was nice too. If you're going to top yourself, have a think about the impact it will have. Or call the Samaritans.

A cinema date, with him and his mum.

They've all been pretty good because I've been involved.

With someone who took date to mean assumed permission and didn't take no for an answer.

Never been on a date.

I never really did much dating. I did once have a blind date with some friends along too. I had nothing in common with the girl they brought along. Cringeworthy for both of us.

Never been on a bad one. Lucky me!

I don't really remember it too clearly, apart from the fact that my drink tasted funny and I woke up with a sore arse.

Before we'd even finished our FIRST drink the guy opted to tell me that he only had One testicle. Like it would define if I saw him again (I never saw him again)

Before we'd even finished our FIRST drink the guy opted to tell me that he only had One testicle. Like it would define if I saw him again (I never saw him again)

3rd June.

God. Way too many to list - I could write a book. I appear to be a weirdo magnet, so that's good.

One where I told him to "suck your mom" (like the kids I taught used to say). I should have known better afte that but still ended up wasting three years of my life with him.

I've never been on a proper date

One had booked a room in a hotel and told me he wanted to tie me up and do bad bad things. Also asked if I had knickers on and wanted to crawl under the table. I laughed at him and walked out.

For the dead body - I saw it on the internet... Probably shouldn't have.

Guy turned up in ripped old jeans, clearly 5 sizes too big, old running trainers and a rugby top. Said he'd bring a few dvds, he brought 2 films from 1985 ffs. I couldn't have been less interested. No aftershave, shorter than me, smelt funny, kept trying to touch me until I told him I had to get to bed. NOT an invitation. He text me for WEEKS afterwards. I ignored every one. Twat.

My last one!

I can't remember any really bad dates.

I met up with a guy from twitter. Turns out he was tee-total and really into healthy living. Nothing like his twitter persona at all, and the complete opposite to me. I got drunk and shagged him anyway, only to discover not only did he shave his entire body (upper arms, legs, everything in between) he was really covered in this thick, prickly stubble. All over. Fucking disgusting.

Expecting someone generally liberal, funny and casual from a dating site. I got a gun toting Tory with a tee shirt tucked into his high waist sweat pants. He spent dinner telling me 'where I was going wrong' without once mentioning a) being too trusting of how people describe themselves and b) being unable to say thanks but no thanks BEFORE dinner.

I can't remember, dating was such a long time ago. I've probably chosen to forget.

Oooh... an opportunity to shamelessly plug my blog... oh no no no I'd never do that... diaryofdisastrousdates.blogspot.com Mr Fit... the worst date by far!

This one

I don't think I've ever been on a proper date, I've been with my hubby since I was 16 (31 years so far!)

A blind date when I was 15. The guy turned out to be spotty and awkward.

I slipped on something on the way and bust my nose and lip. Persisted on showing up covered in blood and staying the whole time. Date not impressed

Went to Burger King. Then shopping. At 17. Bit weird. Her suggestion I'm glad to say.

July 8tj

I'd say my last one is the worst. Drove miles to see someone I'd had a lovely time with before and as soon as I got there I could tell she wasn't into me anymore. Bad times.

18 hole round of golf!!

I never went on a bad date

Girl who's self esteem was so low that on a first date she got hammered and begged me to sleep with her. I didn't.

He asked me if I knew what DP was. And that I could 'get ridden on the bonnet of my TT'. And left his wallet in the 'TT'. Wanker.

I don't do dating. I've been in 3 serious relationships but each have overlapped in some sort of way

27th June 1992.

27th June 1992.

Ooh, loving the anoymity of 5urvey here & going with I've never been on a date. I've had a boyfriend, but we just hung out together, never officially dated.

My lunch date where I told my husband I was leaving him.

Don't really have any horror stories, I'm afraid.

Don't do dates.

Getting drunk on Blue Nun and falling over.

I have literally been on one date ever. It was ok. We're married now. It's ok.

I can't say in case he reads it. He's a lovely guy, by the way. We've had great fun out with friends since.

Once, after an extremely boring evening, I kissed a boy goodbye at the station and he started squirming and pulling at his crotch. He told me he'd cum in his pants but I just cannot believe that. Maybe he pissed himself.

Thankfully no horror stories. Although, I did once go on a date with someone who was so nervous he was rocking on his seat then went on a ten minute rant about his local refuse collection. My friends tell me I'm an intimidating person

I went on a nearly blind date. He was dull and rather hideous. I pretended to go to the loo. But went home.

In all honesty I haven't had a bad date. Any that have gone to dates have been successful. Apart from that one.

She wouldn't stop crying

I've never been on a date

I met an up her own arse solicitor on a blind date. I leaned back on a leather chair to look relaxed and slid onto the floor. She didn't put out and given what she looked liked I would have thought she'd have been grateful.

Maybe the one where he forgot to say he'd gained 6 stone since the photo was taken, and wanted to talk about beer, but declined a second drink because he was "watching his weight". Or maybe the other one where we had a great time together, then he took a week and half to tell me "I wasn't sure how to tell you this. I'm looking for a wife, and you're not her." I haven't been on a date since. 3 years ago.

One where she didn't turn up

Super offensive, misogynist guy who had lied A LOT on his Internet dating profile, let me pay for everything, was late because he'd been to the gym and then stuck his tongue down my throat and tried to come home with me. I'm pretty easy in general but he was a hell no.

Went out with a guy who rocked up with a love bite, expected me to pay for everything, stripped off to the waist in the club as 'he was hot' , took me back to his to ring a taxi, got his cock out without invitation, upon which his mother came downstairs (he was 30, I though he lived alone) and she ordered me to leave telling him 'we've discussed this before'. Not surprisingly I ignored his calls after that.

We went to Tesco. 7 years later, we have a baby n another on the way. Ah romance.

Any with my ex husband ...

I'm very lucky - never had a bad date. Honest.

Got shat on.

Too many to mention but I met him from Twitter

Cinema. Fail 1: Tried to put my arm around her, missed & smacked her in the cheek. Fail 2: At her parents front door, dropping her home, went for a kiss as she moved her head, nutted her in the nose. Never saw her again! I still cringe when I think back to that night 22 years ago!!

For my 20th birthday my (now ex) boyfriend told me he was taking me for something to eat. He drove to the next town, through the McDonalds drive-thru & we ate in the nearby car park before driving back. Yep, I see the amount of effort THAT took.......

A guy who was sooooo drunk he could barely stand. I walked out. Oops

I had an anxiety attack, passed out, hit my head on the corner of the table and she had to drive me to A&E. We didn't have a second date.

Probably the one where the girl I was on the date with didn't realise it was a date. Actually I took her out about five times and she thought we were just friends. Or so she said. Women? Bitches. I hate them!

One where I was too shy to talk

He had massive amounts of ear and nose hair and eyebrows that small birds could nest in. He spent nearly a whole hour telling me about how awful his relationship was - with his mother. He was oblivious to any of my attempts to divert the conversation. I made my excuses and hopped in a cab.

This hideous Dr, should have left him standing there. He ending up giving me a lecture about blood pressure.

I spent one first date watching Coronation Street, it was that engrossing. A weekend in London where my date's friend was intent on plying me with copious amounts of drugs (despite my saying no countless times). And a weekend in Cornwall where my intended host had changed her mind about my visiting or even being with her but neglected to tell me. It was cold. My twenties were a fucking dating disaster.

I've only ever been on one date and she was so amazing I married her!

never been on one. Not even mad because A LEVEL RESULTS MOTHERFUCKERS

Being locked in a room with a mad Irish bird..

My one and only Internet dating effort. A shit cheap meal at the local beefeater equivalent restaurant. A man who described himself a tall dark & handsome. Arrived to a short strawberry blonde odd looking little weasel who, to be honest had the social skills of a snail. Lets just say it went no further.

All of them.

He never turned up!

I was invited out by a woman on match.com...turned out to be an ostrich. Bummer

Never had one!

Never been dated.

I went on a double date once with my friend, her new boyfriend and his friend. I got "left" on my own with the friend, he talked about himself, his ex and his mother, and made a comment about my chest. He tried sticking his tongue down my throat at the end of it. Hideous

Never been on any bad dates. Had plenty of appalling one night stands though. Worst of the lot was after being awake for 36 hours, gubbing a handful of temazepam to try and sleep then deciding to go clubbing. Against all odds pulled, despite being on the verge of dribbling, and proceeded to have the worst sex ever. I apologised after 10 minutes then called her a cab. Think I shat myself shortly afterwards. Or maybe during.

Never been on a proper date, poor me.

Never really been on a bad date. All at least 'fine'.

Barnsley match

4th January

Online he was fun. IRL a total arse!

Your mum